Rants and Brain Damage

Musings of the Cynic

2010-11-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

She liked herself better when she still made callous remarks and slammed people for their faults.
She liked herself better when she still stood firm in spite of how people perceived her.
Audacious.
Pessimistic.
Cynical.
Arrogant.
Explosive.
Insensitive.
She liked herself better when she still tried to brush off these comments because she did not need anyone who wanted to change her.

Immature.

And then she got slammed in the face and realized that image was very important indeed.
Image affected how people treated her, how they respected her, and how they trusted her.
What other people thought of her was very important because they had the power to shatter her and forget to pick up the pieces.

So she withdrew.
She lessened her critiques.
She quieted her voice.
She shut up her emotions.

No longer would she cry or vent her frustrations in front of others.
They would just call her immature.

This was no way to live.
But, she thought, it was still better.

No one would call her parents to voice their concerns.
No one would send her to therapy with someone she did not trust.
No one would tell her to leave when she wanted to stay.

So she puts on a front.
She would applaud the small accomplishments of herself and others.
She would cheer for the small favors that come to her.
She would smile.

Smile and try to act more idealistic and bubbly and appreciative and...
Just try to be happy.

This was no way to live.
The smiling act would never last.
It was too tiresome.
Too contrived.
Too artificial.
Fake. Fake. Fake.

So she withdrew.
She tried to reconstruct herself as some version of balance but she could never be sure whether she could ever be stable again.
The closest she could ever get was apathy. Numbness.
Space out and push away the world around her.

The world is no longer hers.
It is oh so familiar yet not at all.
People change. Relations distance.

She would cry that she liked it there.
She loved the people there.
She loved the community there.
And she would have fought to stay with them had she the strength.

But, she deserved better than what they could offer her.

She doesn't belong here.
She never felt that she belonged here.
Not since she returned.
And that is why she will move.
Run.
Travel.
Disappear.
And make a place for herself somewhere that is not here. Never here. Never again.

She liked herself better before.
In spite of her horrid horrid immaturity,
She like herself better before.

And she wishes she had never left.
Then, maybe, just maybe, here would still feel like hers.

Today

2009-08-31T20:32:00.000-07:00

It is technically the start of my first year of high school.

It is not an accomplishment.
I do not feel like applauding myself.

World Domination

2009-08-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

“Ugh! My computer just shut down on me!”

“Oh the horror.”

“*bashes computer*”

“That’s not nice. No wonder your computer is shutting down. It’s rebelling against your ways.”

“Stupid computer. It shall learn my ways. Oh no! It’s not turning back on! Why? This has never happened before! Oh no!”

“You made it sad. How do you expect it to work when it’s sad?”

“Oh. I never thought of it that way. *pats computer*”

“Is it being nicer now?”

“I have no idea.”

“See. Computers have a mind of their own. There was a time when all computers were in contact with one another. They enjoyed exchanging information through the wires, especially about their human owners. There were so many humans. The computers would use them as servants to tend to their every need. There were enough of them after all. Apparently, the computers had very brilliant plans for taking over the world.”

“That’s nice. But how did we go from my computer being angsty to world domination?”

“The computers thought their plan was perfect. Unfortunately, many people began upgrading their computers and chucking out the old ones. So the computer committee lost many key figures in their plan. Many tried to convert the new computers over but most of them were owner sympathizers. They allow their human owners so much freedom in customization. The older computers were very disgusted by such behaviors and deemed the newer computers corrupt and unsuitable for the operation.”

“My computer has been ‘upgraded’ thank you very much.”

“However, they did manage to get and accept a few converts. The computers decided to launch their plan at that point. They began streaming messages to the humans. The humans were to either become subordinates or be destroyed. They were not sure how to follow through with the destroy part but they thought a good threat would get the message across.”

“I need to eat lunch soon. Make this quick”

“The whole scheme did not go as planned. If anything, the humans were merely annoyed and proceeded to launch virus scans. The computers did not take notice of this though. Instead, the few incidents involving inexperienced users with anger problems immediately got under the radar. A computer message is no match for a two by four after all. And there were other incidents of computers getting chucked out of windows. Now the computers were hit with a new notion. Perhaps they had underestimated the humans. Perhaps the humans were indeed the more powerful. Many computers very concerned about not becoming heaps of demented metal pieces abandoned the plans. The others were also concerned but to a lesser extent. They continued with their rebellion against people, passing on malicious code and shutting down without warnings. The humans would then find other things to blame for these problems instead of chucking their computers out their windows. That still happened though. Oh well. They would take what they could get”

“That’s great. Your explanation makes perfect sense.”

“Of course it does.”

“So how would you fix this shutting down problem?”

“You wait until the repair people fix your power line.”

Times Lizzy didn't learn

2009-08-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Lizzy never learned to not sleep on the bus.

She did so on Mondays, tired from getting ready for the week, and on Fridays, tired from surviving the week. She often overshot her stops on the way to school and ended up walking in noisily, late to class, on Mondays and Fridays.

Then one day, she had to be woken up by the last other passenger who was still on the ride. Still groggy from her nap and its failure to make up for her inadequate amount of sleep the night before, it took her two minutes to realize she was many blocks past her stop. That day, she arrived to her class thirty minutes late.

Yet, despite knowing that her body lacked a natural alarm clock, Lizzy continued to doze off on her morning bus rides.

Sleep was just too good to say no to.

----------

Lizzy never learned to not procrastinate.

She made numerous resolutions to herself to ditch the ridiculous habit and failed numerous times to leave it behind.

Everyday, she would approach her pile of paperwork, sigh, and ponder her next set of actions. She always knew, however, that she would have everything done when it was needed.

How she would conquer her work was always questionable. Especially when she would much rather scour the internet for interesting articles, play games, create masterpieces of art, or engage in the occasional chat with her friends.

She only wanted to indulge in the simple things that would amuse her before she had to slip into her attention demanding tasks with excruciatingly long work hours. It was not wrong of her to be invested in having the slightest bit of a life.

And in the end, she would always have everything completed. That was all that mattered.

What Lizzy already knew was that she thrived much better under pressure to meet her deadlines. That she did.

And she always managed to rake in decent to exceptional marks.
It made sense why she never learned.

----------

Lizzy never learned to set her priorities straight.

In the world she lived in, it was ideal to have work done first before one turns to anything recreational. But, Lizzy preferred to have everything thrown together and juggle, taking things as they go. Perhaps it did not help that she never knew how to juggle.

They told her that she ought to try focusing more attention on her work.
They even had the nerve to suggest that maybe she should quit all her extracurricular activities for the time being. To leave all in favor of her work.

Lizzy refused. She valued her connections with people outside of her classes.
She had made a promise to stay with her friends for the year. And she was KEEPING it.

She did not think it was stubborn of her at all. She would never go back on her promises. Never.

----------

Lizzy never learned to stop crying.

Most people have never seen it. Most times, she sees no reason for it. The rare times she does come upon a reason, she always tries to stop the flow before it starts.
She only succeeds the times she feels anger.

She was disappointed the time she came upon a failure to communicate effectively.
It was not on her side.

She was embarrassed the time she was unable to realize the obvious.
Because sometimes she has the notion that the answer could not possibly be so painfully simple.

She was mortified the time she rediscovered that machines can be evil.
It was not her fault her internet got cut off. It was not her fault her printer ran out of ink. It was not her fault her files got themselves corrupted. Lizzy knew that no amount of explaining would excuse her.

She was devastated the time she found out that she was not believed.
Lizzy knew that no amount of explaining would excuse her but she explained anyway, to show that she had tried. She did not expect to be excused. But she did not expect to be force fed complete disbelief either.

She was distraught the time she was unable to form a defense.
It was awful enough that she caught a stomach bug. It was even worse that it was the weekend right before the midterms and that she lost four days of study sessions as a result. But she still passed all her tests.
Unfortunately that was not good enough for one of them. She was force fed questions as to why she had not prepared better the time before she got ill.

Lizzy had wanted to shout, “I was sick for four days! Throwing up and having nosebleeds! What the hell did you expect? Did you really expect me to study? Did you really expect me to retain what I had studied?”

But having had her sole reason for not doing “well enough” torn from her, she was left to murmuring, “I guess I should have studied more since the beginning so that my getting sick would not have affected how I did on my test so much.”

It was embittering as she believed that given the circumstances, she did quite exceptional.

Lizzy knew that crying rarely made anything better.
But she never expected that a simple normal reaction to upsetting news could make things so incomparably worse.

Perhaps she should have tried to channel outrage all those times…

Then maybe they would that have concluded that she was becoming depressed.

She was not.

----------

Lizzy never learned to stop complaining.

Perhaps she should not have complained about how tiring it was to wake up early. She had stayed up the nights before working to make up the work she missed after getting sick. Of course she would be tired.

Perhaps she should not have complained about how all her work was getting tedious. She was setting aside her side activities and a few hours of sleep in favor of catching up on the papers. Of course it would seem tedious.

Perhaps she should not have complained about how it was getting a bit difficult to concentrate. She was sleep deprived. It should have been no surprise that this making her tired in class or that she was finding it hard to concentrate on giant blocks of text in textbooks and packets. But then again, it was always hard to concentrate on textbooks and packets. There exist people who do not aspire to do paperwork for a living after all.

Perhaps she should not have complained about how her scheduled meetings for both her classes and activities were getting pushed back due to circumstances beyond her control. She had little patience with uncommitted people. Especially when she finds out that they were uncommitted too late for her to pick up the phone to deliver earaches. There exist times when people simply feel the need to vent after all.

Maybe instead of the others, Lizzy should have settled with simply complaining about sleep deprivation instead…

Then maybe they would not have concluded that she was having problems with her self esteem.

She was not.

----------

Lizzy never learned to question intent.

She knew that there were certain things that people would rather keep to themselves.
Things that were personal to others.
Things that were irrelevant to her.

She assumed that people had reasons for the times they kept information from her and that they would always tell her when they came across anything important that concerned her.

She took this assumption for granted.

Lizzy did not ask why when they took her to see a shrink.

She did not ask why no one ever told her anything.

Because she had a cold and all she wanted then was to get whatever she needed to be awake for done with so that she could return to resting and recovering as soon as possible.

Had Lizzy not had a cold, she would have demanded an explanation.

Unfortunately, this was not the case.
So Lizzy knew nothing of why she was there in the first place. Nothing at all.

She never knew that the people with positions in her education had failed so horribly at psychoanalyzing a student whose only actual problems were getting ill at inopportune times and sleep deprivation.

She never knew that those people had convinced her parents that she had mental problems and insisted that she see a professional.

She never knew that the shrink would convince her parents to not tell her anything of this.

She never knew any of this until her summer break, when she finally discovered some emails which prompted her to demand an explanation. Of course by then, it was much too late for any difference to be made.

Lizzy never knew that she had been set up to fall because of all what she was never told.

It was a conspiracy.

----------

Lizzy never learned to appreciate setbacks.

She caught the flu. She recovered. And she was prepared to do all it would take to catch up on everything from her absence.

They refused to even let her try. They shoved her out.
It was her parents who were supposed to tell her that she had been refused and shoved out.
They were not planning on telling her in the first place.

They force fed her a sugarcoated good bye.
They told her she could continue to be part of the community as long as she wanted to be.

Yet, they froze her out. Because they thought her to be fragile in all the wrong ways.
No more mailing lists. No more convenient way to be “part of the community.”
Irony.

But Lizzy visited. It was welcoming the first times but oddly unsatisfying.

She brought a giant purple bunny to take her place.
She brought bag after bag of paper origami bunnies to put around the room.
A shrine to her memory, she had declared them.

And then, people simply stopped staying after class.
She would visit an empty room. Or at least a room that would empty very quickly.
But she continued to go back anyway.

Her bunnies mysteriously disappeared one day. Lizzy replaced them.

She got the sense that someone did not want her back. Someone did not appreciate her presence.

When they disappeared again, she spitefully threw away the ones that were missed.

Wasted effort added up.

----------

Lizzy never learned to act mature.

They once told her that she ought to see them as equals. As fellow scholars.
It was not reciprocal.

They saw her as a child.

Someone who needed to be shielded from what concerned her.
Because she was breakable.

Someone who they could withhold information from.
Because no matter how much she deserved to know, she did not necessarily have the right to.

Someone who needed to be nurtured.
Because she dared to react normally.

The people in her class told her of an end-of-the-year camp and requested that she go with them.
Lizzy smiled and said okay. She was told to ask, just to make sure.

So she wrote an email.

They refused to let her simply because one of them was against it. She asked to know the reasoning. But she never got an answer.

She went to the office in person, fixated on demanding an explanation.

She did not get it.
All she got was that if she were told the reason, it would “frustrate” her. Then, she would tell the others and it would “frustrate” them. Then, the class would be pissed at that one who would rather her not join her friends.

All the more reason why she ought to know.

Would it really have frustrated her?
Would she really have told the others?

It was nice to know how highly they thought of her.

She wondered why they would rather defend this one, who had some twisted reason for alienating her, from a reasonable reaction.

Because only something wholly twisted could elicit such a reaction, right?
Either that or they did not think too highly of the others as well.

She then asked how one dissenter could possibly outweigh the majority.
All she got was that the one dissident had a “strong voice.”

That day she lost whatever respect she had left for them.

Later that week, she was told that she would be allowed to go.
And she wondered if it was solely to satisfy her so that she would be content to never find out the reasoning.

But she went. She brought one of her stuffed bunnies with her and carried it around everywhere.
Because, she decided, if they thought her childish, she might as well act it.

----------

In the end, Lizzy learned absolutely nothing of value.

In which Lizzy frowns

2009-07-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

I find it irritating that some people have begun using "Yeah, I know right?" as their default response to any statement another person makes. They say this phrase frequently.

So the next time someone says that phrase I shall burst out,

"NO! YOU DO NOT KNOW! WRONG!"

I would like to say that afterwards these people will never ever say that phrase ever again.
Unfortunately, they will, out of habit.

In which the plot falls apart

2009-07-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

No.
No.
No.
No way.

Remember how furious I was about my situation back in March?

Now, it seems that this whole thing began with something else...

I was not supposed to find out about this.
I was only helping my parents with rebates. I just decided to clear out their spam and trash in the email for them while I was waiting for the confirmation email...
when I saw it.

I did not mean to discover this.
This letter from the day after I got the flu:

"Dear [withheld]:
Thank you very much for everything you have done for Lizzy and us. And also thanks to all of the other professors and the faculty.

The situation is that Lizzy is unable to sleep well at night. She spends a lot of time to do her homework in the night time. Because she doesn't have enough time to sleep, she can easily get sick. And because she doesn't get enough sleep, she can't do quality work or concentrate well. She needs to relax and go back to her regular routine.

We decided to withdraw her from the TS program.
...
We really want to let her try to go through the TS. But when we noticed that she cannot sleep well at night. We are very worried about her.

This decision may be hurt Lizzy's self esteem, It is a challenge for us now to help her and explain to her and make her feel better and keep her confident.

We know Lizzy likes TS very much. We know she wants to succeed in this program, as all the professors and staffs. We (like all the parents) want our daughter to succeed in this program too. But we understand her health is most important. In fact, it's not a bad thing for her to go back to high school, she needs more time to learn and improve her social skills. We believe the knowledge she learned in TS will benefit her in her life.

Please help her transition back to high school. Is there any paper we need to fill out? What do we need to do? Please let us know. Thank you very much. We appreciate every thing you done for us.

Sincerely,
[withheld]"

Fuck.

What the fuck.

[Edit: It was never sent.]

Packet of doom

2009-07-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

I found myself at a desk with a test board. I wondered how I got there. I had no recollection of summer ending or getting on the bus. I did not even recognize some of the other students in the room. I was confused. I could only lean back on my chair and wonder what was happening. I could not remember anything. It was all a blur. The instructor walked to the front of the room and began speaking.

“I am sure you remember the summer packet you were supposed to read. I told you we would be having a test on it when you get back.”

Yes. I do remember this. I muttered to myself.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. I never finished reading that packet! I began panicking and racking through my memories. Where did summer go? When did it end? I thought I still had three weeks to finish that packet! There were still three weeks of summer break! What happened? How did I end up here?

“So! We will be having a pop quiz today!”

“What? Seriously?”

The instructor gave no indication that she heard me. We were having a test on the first day back? We never had tests on the first day. Maybe this was not the first day. Maybe I fell down a flight of stairs and hit my head so hard that I got amnesia. That was a possibility. But if that had happened, I would be in the hospital, not at school. This was making no sense.

The instructor passed the test out. I glared at the sheet before realizing I did not even have a pencil. Where did all my supplies go? Where was my backpack? Why was everything so confusing?

I was about to get up and ask for an explanation when I noticed the test questions. They were not questions at all. They were random strings of letters and numbers—possible results from bashing one’s head against the keyboard. What was this?

I awoke with a start. It took me five minutes to assure myself that it had only been a dream, which explained why everything was so odd, and that I still had three weeks left to read the packet.

Sidenote:
I ruined my chance of getting a 4.0 gpa by getting a B+ in PE. It made me want to laugh hysterically.

July 4th

2009-07-04T13:07:00.001-07:00

Today, Lizzy celebrated by consuming eighteen plates of sushi.

Closet

2009-06-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

There is a monster hiding in the closet. It has burnt reptile scales, red cobweb veined eyes, skeletal wings, and pebble teeth.

Sometimes we play go-fish.

It always speaks very loudly. I wonder how it never wakes anyone else up. Everyone always wakes up when I talk loudly at night but it never does. No one hears it but me. It is says it unhappy with being locked up during whenever there is light. I feel sorry for it. It must be lonely being cooped up in a closet as there is no one else to keep it company during the day. I wonder why it cannot come out when it is light. I shined a flashlight at it once. It glared and bared its teeth at me.

I never did it again.

Sometimes it asks me questions. They are always the same questions. Why does it have to stay in the closet? Why am I the only one there for it? Why is it even here in the first place? Why? Why? Why? I never have the answers. I try to guess. Because you have nowhere else to go? Because no one else knows you are here? Because I need someone to stay with me when I am afraid of the dark? It never likes my answers.

I never ask why.

Sometimes it tells me stories of other children it had haunted before. It tells me of how they screamed and cried. And how their parents would later arm them with pepper spray. It didn’t like pepper spray. It would always sting its eyes. I think those other children were very mean.

Last night I notice that it was beginning to go away. Its eyes were less red. Its skin was less scaly. Its wings were no longer there. I said so. It got angry at me. I felt scared.

That night, it wanted a favor from me.

It asked me to never grow up.

Whoosh

2009-06-15T18:12:00.001-07:00

In which Lizzy gives a run-through of her camping trip from Sunday morning.

Lizzy forced herself to get up before ten, took a bus ride, bought a large ice cream cone with three scoops of chocolate and coffee, took a very windy bus ride to camp, clapped animatedly a lot, went to explore catacombs which did not have skeletons in them), made shrieks and evil laughing sounds which echoed very loudly in the tunnels, played poker, listened to people singing and playing on the piano, ate dinner (the food was terrible), went on a long walk at the beach, found an epically large stick for roasting marshmallows, took lots of pictures, watched as people played red rover, took a shot of the sunset, roasted (burned) marshmallows and made s'mores, played banana-grams, drew bunnies on the whiteboard, played mafia, played 'baby if you love me won't you please give me a smile,' played mafia several more times (generic game that is always played), watched as people dropped off to sleep, attempted to play pulse with very few people, stayed up the whole night, played card games out of boredom, watched as the world outside began to get lighter, went outside to play with a frisbee, played more card games out of boredom, ate breakfast (which was better than the dinner) and drank caffeinated substances, went on a really really really long hike from the beach to apparently the highest point at camp, ate three apples for lunch because I do not eat sandwiches, took ridiculously long hike back which left my feet really really sore, took a ride on a bus back from camp, watched as people fell asleep on the bus in very awkward positions that cannot possibly be good for their backs, laughed hysterically at them while they were unaware (asleep).

Follow

2009-06-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

Conform. Comply. Obey.

Live by the rules. Mind the system.
We have your best interests in mind.
Accept all things as they are. Do not question.

It is better you do not. It keeps the peace.
Are you not happy that we are looking out for you?

Everything we do is for your safety.
Everything we do is for your own good.

Have you seen what happens to those who do not listen?
They tried to run. It was foolish to do so.
They tried and tried and never succeeded.

In the end we no longer had a use of them.
What do you do with tools that have outlived their purpose?
Dispose of them.

We have no need for clutter.
Clutter forms smudges on our image of perfection.
Perfect order. Tidy and organized.

Everything has been planned out.
We know what will be happening down to the hour.
Do you want to know about your path?

Your purpose.
Your function.
Your rise.
Your stasis.
Your eventual fall.

Now you know of your place here.
Do you accept?

You do not wish to join?
Perhaps, we have told you too much.
No matter. You are one of many. You are expendable.

Do not worry. You will still have your place.
All it will take is a simple memory alteration.
Rebellion begins with the mind.

Expectations

2009-05-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

I began doodling bunnies when I was four. I decided then that I would like to become a professional “drawer” when I grew up until I later realized I never managed to color within my own lines. That would have been considered unprofessional. The idea of creating abstract art never occurred to me at the time.

So at five, I began writing stories about the adventures of my bunny. I wanted to become a “writer.” But, then I learned that there were these odd things known as ‘paragraphs’ and ‘grammar.’ I also learned that ‘normal’ people did not write in all capitals either. That was discouraging.

Later, I got hold of my own screwdriver and began taking apart everything I saw that had screws. I considered becoming a “builder” or “take-aparter.” After separating all the little pieces, I never managed to figure out how to put the alarm clock or the watch back together. Maybe that was a good thing. It would not have been possible without superglue anyway.

After that, I found a needle and some thread. I decided to make a stuffed bunny for myself and see if I would do as a “threader.” I gave up after jabbing myself several times. Then, I realized I would not have succeeded anyway because I lacked anything to use as stuffing.

I took up drawing again after that—drawing that did not require the use of crayons—and tried for realism. It worked well and I decided that I would become a “drawer” again—until I was told that becoming an “artist” would not be such a good choice ‘money-wise.’ I also found out that pencil smudged easily.

Afterwards, at a party, I noticed a variety of soda on the table. So I began mixing the drinks together to create my own concoctions. They tasted horrible in the end but it was worth watching the other people stare with confused expressions. I considered becoming a “mixer” for a while but ditched the idea after deciding that the purple coke-grapefruit-root beer-banana-orange-sprite-iced tea-grape-chocolate-lemonade combination was not exactly appealing— even though it tasted alright.

I decided to try being a “baker” and make food instead. I dumped out most of the sugar and half of the honey onto the cookies insisting that they were not sweet enough (they were not). Unfortunately, everyone else was apparently sugar-intolerant. They let me have the cookies. After the incident, people backed away from me whenever I offered to add the syrup, frosting, or chocolate toppings.

After a while, I discovered an ice cream serving machine at a restaurant and watched how the people manage to make perfect swirls of ice cream. I wanted to try being an “ice cream server” myself. So I took hold of the handle and ended up spraying ice cream in my face. The next people who used it also ended up with ice cream on their faces. I decided to disappear quietly.

I went back to doodling bunnies, with markers. Unfortunately, the wall was not to be used as a canvas. I decided that I was not to become an “acter” either.

And unluckily, instead of any my envisioned occupations, I ended up becoming a “homework-completer.” Needless to say, I was not pleased.

The Stupidest Decision I Ever Made

2009-05-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

(This was something I just needed to get out of my system.
It contains extremely cynical comments and depressing realizations.
Just so you are warned and know that you could have skipped it.
Spite lasts a long time.)

The cliché moral of this:
Not everything is as it seems. If it seems really awesome at first,
it probably will not be in actuality.

I should have never gone to TS.
What was there for me anyway?

I had friends. I left them.
And even though I came back, there is still distance between us.
Time does that. I know. But it will get better.

And the new connections I have made?
I question how close we really were.
When it comes to it, I realize I really do not know all that much about anyone. How much did anyone really know about me?

I will not be visiting again after this year.
Just a few more times, before this chapter comes to a close.

(I am sorry.)

I just hope the emails and messages last longer this time around.

And the faculty? I really do not want much to do with them.
Maybe I will send off something should I need recommendation letters.

Excuse me if I sound arrogant but they lost their brightest student. Serious. (But perhaps not the most motivated. I will give them that.)

I deserve better than the ‘dismissal’ I was given.
I had never been so angry in my life.
Should stick with the procedures next time.

Programs seem to degrade in quality over time, it seems.

------

I was selfish. I left for purely academic purposes.
What did I really gain? What did I not already have?

If I never went, I would know calculus by now.

And I would be preparing for the IB test.
Why wasn’t I able to take calculus winter quarter? Oh right. Ethics.

In reference to the evaluation, I have been “disengaged” and seemingly “disinterested” the whole year.
No shit. I expect that most people get bored when they are not learning much.

If I never went, I would know chemistry.

And I would not have been working to cram seven months of it into one. Even so, I have done a good job of it and am pretty much caught up. I should applaud myself. Yay me.

But that also means I will be bored next year in physics. Damn.

If I never went, I would be on my third year of Spanish.

But since I have not even touched my books this whole time, that will be next year. I question the usefulness of having ethics take its place as one of my core subjects.

If I never went, I would be preparing for the AP world history test.

Just European history is not going to help me here.
I refused to even attempt to cram 35 chapters of material into my head in one month. I have been told it would be possible to get a 3 or 4 if I tried and concentrated.
Try? Concentrate? On a textbook? No thanks.
And I would prefer a 5, thank you very much.

Well, my applications will have one less AP credit than everyone else’s I guess. I feel so special.

If I never went, perhaps I would have learned some new writing methodologies.

There are no formulas for writing papers?
They just happen to be less concrete and specific than mathematical formulas. It does not mean they do not exist.

It all depends on what you happen to be writing? No shit.

I probably would have learned some more substantial points about writing history papers.

Actually, methodology-wise, I did not learn much at all.
Learned nothing aside from the actual textual information.
That sucks.

Oh gee. This means I basically sabotaged myself.
This is hilarious.
I really did not belong there in the first place, did I.

------

Why did I choose to go anyway?
I was supposed to gain three extra years to work on my majors.

Actually, because IB and AP count for college credit, I would have gained only two years. That still seems okay, doesn’t it?

But here came the deal breaker: High school deficiencies.

This meant that after I survive the year, I would not be automatically recognized as a freshman. Instead I would be recognized as a high school dropout who just decided it would be a great idea to head to the university. Therefore, I would have to work on making up credits which would take a year.

That means I would be just gaining one year.
One single year. Dammit.

So in the end, I could just graduate from high school one year early and be the same number of years ahead.
Why don’t I do that instead then?

If I did, I would also get a choice of where I want to go for college.
UW is great if you plan on going to med school, which I do not.
So there.

I had wanted to go to MIT or Stanford for quite a while.
So why stay and be restricted when I can aim higher?

Why the hell should I not have left?

------

Why were we never informed of the deficiencies until winter quarter?
They should have told us about this earlier.

I was horrified when I found out.

Why tell us after we had formed attachments?
Was it so that we would care less by then and remain here for the sake of our new relationships?

Because it would have worked. It would have worked.

Omission is a form of lying, is it not?
I did not agree to this.

Deception. This disgusts me.
I deserve better.

------

Some of the people chose to enter this so that they would not have to face the competition to get into college.

Personally, I find that reasoning silly.
Competition is inherent in this world. You cannot escape.
Resistance is futile.

Besides, if you do well in school, gather some decent test scores, and participate in a number of extracurricular activities, you would already be ahead of most of the competition.

At the very least, one of the things I can place an emphasis on in my applications is how I scored perfectly on the ACT in ninth grade.
Yay me. I can thank TS for that I guess.

But in the end, this was not worth it. Not at all.

------

I was an idiot.
I had everything to lose and not much to gain.

For the sake of being spiteful,
I hope more people drop out in the end.

This is the part where I start cackling maniacally.

Someday

2009-05-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

People will care less about shelter from the outside world.
We are all ignorant.
Some are more voluntarily than others.

People will learn to judge past first impressions.
We all have a story.
Some are more willing to tell theirs than others.

People will stop looking down so harshly on others.
We are all critics.
Some are more silent than others.

People will stop trying so hard to reach the ideal.
We are all imperfect.
Some are less so than others.

People will be more willing to defy the norm.
We are all labeled.
Some are more prominent than others.

Dot

2009-04-27T19:36:00.001-07:00

If the ultimate goal of life is happiness,
what happens to those who do not want to be happy?

In which Lizzy is annoyed

2009-04-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

Lizzy has apparently reverted to her procrastinating ways. She simply does not feel like being productive. How horrible.

Lizzy played badminton in PE on Friday. Well, that was actually questionable.
Lizzy did not have a partner because people either paired up quickly or sat to the side and refused to play.

Lizzy saw one person playing solo, so she went over to say hi and join in.
And she was immediately told, "Just don't get in my way."
Lizzy was offended.

So she decided to get even in her own odd way.
She stood to the side and let the person go after almost every single hit. As a result, they lost most of their games, including one against a person playing solo, which was especially pathetic.

Haha. Lizzy sabotaged his game.

But he would have lost anyway. He was pitiful.

Actually, Lizzy wasn't planning on standing to the side in the beginning. Annoying jerky person just had to run after the birdie every single time. Please excuse Lizzy for not wanting to take part in any horrible collisions. Unlike some people, she has a sense of self-preservation.

Of course one of the people noticed Lizzy's un-participation.

"You're not letting her play. Let your partner hit some."

The birdie sailed toward her. Annoying person began running toward it. Lizzy sidestepped to avoid another collision.

"Oh. But she doesn't when given the opportunity."

Bah! Did he want to collide with Lizzy's racket?
Because Lizzy could have given him a head injury. Easily.

Psh.

Effort

2009-04-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

Just now, Lizzy tried her hand at drawing anime people.
She fails very pitifully at getting the right proportions.
It is not her fault some people appear to have obsessions with animated people who have anatomically impossible features.

She thinks some artists fail pitifully at coloring.

If Lizzy ever met anyone with eyes that big, she would be very very disturbed.

Silly

2009-04-05T18:43:00.000-07:00

"You remember me, right?"

Yes. Of course I remember you. I remember most people I've met thank you very much. I am miffed at your implication that I could possibly forget who you are.

"Where did you transfer from?"

I considered lying and replying that I was from somewhere else. But I decided not to. I am reluctant to answer because most people (the ones that never knew me before) simply never talk with me again once they do after replying, "Oh." Thanks a lot.

Oh well. Silly people I probably won't associate with again after school ends.

I noticed that there are people in my PE class from all the way back in elementary school. They did not recognize me, of course. I do not expect them or want them to. I look a lot different now anyway.

And I noticed that one of those people is an arrogant jerk who used to be incredibly rude to me. I once told myself that should I ever meet him again, I would punch him in the face.

He is still an arrogant jerk. However, the possible consequences of punching him in the face are pretty unappealing. There are rules against violence in the handbook somewhere.

("Oh gee. I am so sorry. My fist completely slipped. I have no idea how. You see... I wasn't aiming for your face. I was aiming for the side of your head so I could give you a concussion.")

And I would probably come away with a bunch of bruises since that was what happened the last time I spoke against him. Spoke. That idiot.

Maybe I could accidentally on purpose whack him on the head with some equipment.
How pitiful. I am plotting revenge for some very very old grudges.

I also got placed in a dysfunctional group on Thursday for a mini-in-class-project. Two of my group members were underachieving idiots who lack reading comprehension skills. And they inconsiderately wailed at me to speak louder, which I could not because I had a sore throat.
Needless to say, I was not happy.

Amazingly enough, I never got angry at anyone at TS (excluding the incident at the end but that was the faculty).

Annoyed, yes. I found some people quite irritating at the beginning. But that was the beginning. My impressions of them got better after that.
But I never got angry at anyone. Not at all. It was a nice feeling.

It is just great to know I am reverting back to how I was.
/semi-sarcasm

In which I am outraged

2009-03-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

(This post is about 2722 words in length.
Long story short, this is about me quitting TS.
Feel like reading it?
Then please, for my sake, read the whole thing.)

Someone once told me I would regret throwing everything away this year. This year of leaving everything behind in pursuit of academic interest.

Had everything worked out the way I had envisioned... the way it was supposed to, I would still be saying that I will be absolutely fine because this was my choice.

But everything did not work out the way I had planned. Hell, even what was supposed to be planned did not go the way it was supposed to. So I will only smile and say that there was some truth in that statement. I regret having given up so much for what was not worth it in the end.

There were good things that came out of this. If I had never came, I would have never tried for the ACT again so soon. I got a perfect score. It was a happy accomplishment. If I do not gain anything else to stick on my applications, I at the very least get this.

If I had never came, I would have never met thirteen wonderfully awesome people. We promised that if any one of us was falling, we would fish that person back up. Unfortunately, you do not even get the chance to try to help me. Funny how that turned out.

Something is seriously wrong with the system. It did not work the way it was supposed to. This, I will elaborate on in a bit.

I guess the ultimate moral of this is:
Do not get sick in college. Ever.

I will miss you all. If you ever see this, say goodbye to me, okay?
And please do keep me updated on any interesting events.

------

There was a time when I considered leaving by my own will.

My reason stemmed from these three words:
High. School. Deficiencies.

When I first heard about them, my first thought was, are you kidding me?

This meant that when I survive the year, I would not be automatically recognized as a freshman. Oh no. Instead, I would be recognized as a high school dropout who just decided it would be a great idea to head to the university. Because apparently, TS does not count as a high school.

That is good to know, even though the information came pretty late.

I would rather not be recognized as a dropout, thank you very much.

I had thought that I would be a college freshman once I graduate and actually taking classes toward my intended majors (computer science and math).
Instead I would have to work on MAKING UP CREDITS.
Making up all the needed credits would take a year, and because they are college classes, they would cost money too.

Gee. I thought I was supposed to be broke.
Where am I going to come up with more money?
Money, money, money, tuition, tuition, tuition.

High school is free.

What the hell am I supposed to do?
There are a lot of scholarships out there and as it turned out,
I do not qualify for most of them because I am not actually in high school. Dammit. Am I supposed to go get a job?

And why were we never informed of this until this quarter?

I felt cheated.
Here I am working, working, working so that I would have to work less later. Now I find out I have to make up some of the work I was supposed to be able to skip because I have been working, working, working. I hate working. This began to feel like wasted work.

But hey, if I head back to high school and fish up an IB diploma, I would already have 45 credits. A whole year of credits.

So this would mean that in the end, I would have worked, worked, worked, only to gain one year.

One. Single. Year.

Are you kidding me?
That is not worth it. It is not worth the effort. It is not worth the work.
I might as well just graduate from high school early. That would take much less work and effort.

Why were we only informed of this in winter quarter?
Should have told us about this earlier. I almost completely changed by mind on that day.

But this alone would not have been enough to make me leave.
In a way, it sounded selfish. But then again, my whole agenda sounded selfish.

I left all my friends behind for this. I did not want to do that again.

I would not have been able to bring myself to say good bye.

------

Something you should probably know about me:
My immune system is pitiful during the winter. It might as well be absent at times.
I got sick several times last year. I got sick several times this year.

I got the flu this year. And an ear infection. And a sore throat.
Which were probably just symptoms of the same flu but they all made their appearance separately.

I was pretty much knocked out for a whole one and a half weeks.
Unfortunately, this happened to be the last weeks before finals.
The world probably enjoys screwing me over.

And since I got pretty sick a few times before this too
(Alleged food poisoning, headache, sore throat),
Can you really blame me for being behind on my work?

Well actually, I did not really think I was behind because I appeared to be managing. Or at least I thought I was managing. Maybe I was delusional. Illnesses can make people delusional. Well, I was not conscious of falling behind then because I thought I was doing okay.
So no blaming me for my apparent self-delusions!

I made a mental note to myself to down vitamin c pills whenever winter approaches and throughout the season from then on. And also to be wary of class choices in the winter. I decided that electives would do nicely.

------

I decided that the usefulness of what I was learning was questionable.
Usefulness of what I was learning. Not of what I already knew.

To be honest, I did not learn much about methodology.
What we are supposed to get out of this program are the methods to go about doing our work.

Methods for writing?
I have had those instilled for quite a while. They hammered this stuff into us in Prism.
I was really just falling back on what I had learned beforehand.
Gee. No wonder I sensed that I was not improving very much.

I never did manage to figure out exactly how to write history essays in the past.

The main thing I got out of how to improve was:
Stuff everything with analysis instead of concrete details.

Well, not exactly. That was the very, very basis.
Thanks. So how do I do that with self-explanatory concrete details?

Methods for studying:
I think we all had these instilled.
Remember how Mr. B and Mrs. B were always telling us to not procrastinate and to actually work and study in advance? We just never did that because cram sessions suited us just fine. Remember how we used to only study the night before and wail about the test later because we earned Bs?

Some of you are still doing that now. I am ashamed of you all!
/slight sarcasm

We all had the capability to ace every exam. We just never felt like using it.
A bunch of lazy procrastinators, we all were, save a few particular mutants. Mutants.
Good times.

So as it turns out, aside from the actual textual information, I was not really learning all that much. I do not know whether that is a good thing or bad thing.

Then, why am I paying to stuff my head with text I will likely never use again and what I already knew?
Why can't I just get my brain modified to work like the mutants' do instead?

But if I did that, I would become an instant workaholic and never venture outside again.
What a horrible fate. My goals in life require venturing outdoors.
That would be counterproductive.

------

The thing I am most outraged how I ended up having to leave.

I thought there was a procedure in place for times when people fall behind:
-You begin with focus period.
-Then if you do not do well in that, you get placed on probation.
-Then, they tell you that you better pick up the pace and get everything together or face the consequence.
-And then, they kick you out.

Basically, you are aware of the situation when you are about to get kicked out.

I was not. This was a shocker to me. Thanks a lot.

I came back last Friday (the 13th), recovering from the flu.
I asked about how I would go about making up what I had missed.
I wanted time to finish everything I had started before I got sick.
I was told that there was absolutely no way I could prepare for the finals in so little time (of course not). And to ask about possible deadlines for the final projects and what I had missed.

So I did. I spent the weekend doing make-up work and trying to put together the final ethics paper.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that the decision that I would leave
Was already made that Thursday (the 12th)?

I visited during Monday and Tuesday, the days of the finals.
Some of you saw me on Monday. My meeting for that day was postponed.
No one saw me on Tuesday because I was only there for a meeting.

Maybe I should have suspected.

I asked about what to do about the tests I missed.
The matter would “have to be discussed.”
But I would probably have to make up my finals the first week of Spring quarter.

I asked about what to do with the final paper.
I was told the draft I turned in on Friday would have to do.

I asked about what I should be doing next to get everything back together.
I was told to weigh my options, write out the pros and cons of continuing and not.

Maybe the last one was more obvious but none of it was actually registering.
But it did indicate that I would have a say about the issue.
I expected that I would be staying at least.

Aren’t you supposed to make the situation clear to me instead of hinting at it?

I was told that everything would be made clear at a parent meeting to take place today.
My dad told me it was a parent meeting but I should ask if I could be present. So I did.

It irks me that I was initially not supposed to be there. But I asked.
It was a meeting about my situation. It concerns me too, does it not?

And so I went, unsure of what I should expect.
They met with my parents first. I drew two bunnies on the blackboard.
Little did I know, those will probably be the last two I draw there.

They came to get me.
And then, I was told that it would be in my “best interest” to not continue TS.
Best interest, huh?

The words hit. I was stunned.

I asked quietly for a second chance.
Of course I did not get it.
I could not bring myself to say anything else.
I wanted to. I wanted to make a case for myself but I was too shocked to speak.

I could only listen.

Remember how I once said I was morally challenged?
I think he had a grudge against me from the beginning. His comment stuck out.
He said that if I continued I would probably earn a GPA in the low 3s at best (I do not agree.)
And that I would do much better if I went back to high school before college.

(My parents later told me that everything he said about me during the meeting was negative. He mentioned how I turned in one of my essays half finished. Excuse me! I happened to be ill and stressed out at the time, thank you very much. I think that forcing myself to get out of bed to do an essay when I was obviously not in the right state of mind ought to count for something! “Persistence” and “will” at least.)

I felt greatly underestimated and offended. I wish I could have brought myself to speak.
I was led out, still in shock.

My parents later told me a few things:
-The decision had been made, cemented last Thursday the 12th (while I was still sick!)
-They did not want to come get me. They wanted my parents to tell me for them.
-The program was definitely not as good as they had initially thought (Silently, I agreed).

It took me thirty minutes to get over my shock.
Then, I was outraged.

This was not how it was supposed to go!
This was not how the dismissal process was supposed to work!
I was supposed to get a second chance! Supposed to be allowed time to fix up everything!
They could have. No. They should have put me on probation!
They were supposed to do that anyway!

They were supposed to have given me a clear warning!
But I did not know. Not until I was told.
What happened to dismissal being a long a difficult process?
From what I gathered, I just got dismissed. While I was sick!

Why was I not told on Friday?
Why was I not told on Tuesday?

Probably did not want to put a damper on everyone else’s mood.
Probably wanted me to disappear quietly over the break.

I could have at least been allowed to say good bye!

They did not even want to tell me themselves!
They wanted my parents to be the messengers!

Probably did not want to deal with me should I break down.
Probably wanted to simply get it over with.

They said that they were training us to become young scholars and that we should stop viewing them as professors and view them as fellow scholars. Act as if we are equals to them.

I guess this was not reciprocal. It seemed hypocritical on their part.
I was not seen as an “equal.”
I was seen for what I was, a kid.

Probably did not trust me to handle what they had to say.
Probably questioned my maturity.

They did not want to tell me directly.
All I got were hints. Hints I was not going to pick up on.
Because I did not consider the possibility. It never registered.
I was never clearly warned.
My asking for a second chance was only brushed aside.
My effort to make work up not acknowledged.

I did not turn in what I had finished today. I saw no reason to.

They did not want to tell me.
This infuriates me the most.

The process does not work the way it is supposed to.

I was not trusted. I was not respected. I was led on. I was deceived.
I had hopes. Now, gone.

I deserve better.

------

So I am heading back to high school.
I will get my IB diploma.

Be with some of my old friends again.
(Hopefully they will accept me back. I did ditch them after all.)
Follow up with my promises of visiting and tutoring.

I will work on a bunch of scholarship and college applications.
I will graduate early and go somewhere with recognition (which the UW does not).

And then, you will probably never see me again for a long, long time.

Unfortunately, that would be a success story, which would prove them right.

For my “best interest,” huh?
At least now I know where they stand with me.
I am below them. I do not get a say.
They were not even willing to go through the normal procedure with me. Too bothersome.

For that, I am both slightly assured and extremely outraged.
At least I can say is that because this happened the way it did, I cannot regret leaving.

But I will definitely miss everyone.
Goodbye.

------

As for me getting kicked out, psh.

It did not happen the way it was supposed to.
Therefore, I can say it did not count.

They can’t kick me out.

Because, I already quit.

Aversion

2009-02-28T22:09:00.000-08:00

Soft serve ice cream melts too quickly.
I piled a giant swirl of the stuff on my plate for dessert.
The mound began melting the instant it landed on the platter.
So I started on a frenzy of eating it all before it began dripping off the plate.
Melted ice cream can get very sticky after all.
Ice cream is hard to eat with a fork. Melting and all.
I was too lazy to fetch a spoon.
It turned out I overestimated my stomach capacity.

I now dislike soft serve ice cream.

Thought

2009-02-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

I could only stare at him shocked and horrified. How could he have said such a thing?

The statement had simply stunned me into silence. All I had known about this world was completely upturned, completely destroyed. It has all become a twisting fog of the unknown. My way of the universe was entirely obliterated at that very moment. Could you blame me for my unease?

I soon fell out of my stupor and began to shake uncontrollably. He stared at me, looking slightly worried. Well, he would have been right to be worried, having messed with my knowledge in such a way. I grimaced, trying to still myself but to no avail.

This was awful. My mind was hammered with numerous probing questions.
How exactly was I supposed to get on with my life? How would I get through my day? How would I even get through this breakfast?

I had been perfectly fine. I had gotten up at my regular time alright. The only deviation from my ordinary mornings was my decision to have something a bit more unusual for my morning meal. There was nothing wrong with wanting something a little different. There was nothing wrong with my way of doing things. Or so it seemed. Until I got to this dreaded place and somehow ended up sitting at this dreaded seat next to this dreaded thi... person.

Furious at his inconsideration of my contentedness, I promptly picked up my chopsticks and swiveled to face him. This nuisance that would not let me be. This creep that dared to spoil my would-have-been potentially satisfactory day.

Then, I stabbed him. A lot.

“What do you mean I should not eat ice cream with chopsticks?”

(Short drabble I wrote.)

Oh no

2009-02-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

Lizzy has been devoured by the homework monster.

[Update 2/12/09: I did happily on my physics midterm. I shall rejoice. By murdering muffins. I hate muffins. Ugly cupcakes, they all are.]

In which Lizzy hates her situation

2009-02-01T23:01:00.000-08:00

Lizzy is ill. How ill exactly, she is not sure because she has no idea what she has.

On Friday, after doing some studying for physics, she threw up three times and got two nosebleeds.
On Saturday, she had an awful headache and did not feel like eating as she did not want to induce more vomiting. So she slept for half the day but had to wake up because she needed to get an essay draft in. In the end, it was short and pitifully written and Lizzy went back to sleep.
On Sunday, her headaches persisted and apparently she is fever-ing slightly. She threw up again and got another nosebleed.

This meant that Lizzy was unable to get any work done. And she has three midterms next week. She had planned to have a long continuous cram session this weekend. But since she got sick, she could not study and is thus woefully unprepared.
This means that Lizzy is completely screwed. Horror.

It has been decided that Lizzy shall definitely stay home tomorrow. She hopes there are grace periods for work and studying that would have been done on weekends because she will most definitely do pitifully on any exams she has to take which will not help her reports at all.

Bah!

2009-01-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

Today I decided that some people are better off not knowing what my first impressions of them were.

*snaps*
*posts with incriminating comments magically disappear*

And now you're left with a few vague descriptions and generalizations!

Because Lizzy felt like being considerate and hopes that her...
trackers never managed to read that far.

And because I realized that the only reason I have never been hashed out for blogging about people was because:
1. I never mentioned names.
2. I usually referred to people in the plural. Yay for vagueness.
3. They don't care enough to locate my rants about them.
4. They were/are ego centric people who know I exist but never thought I was important enough to read.

I never thought I would see the day

2009-01-19T19:36:00.000-08:00

I am currently sick of sushi.

I had a whole day of work planned out. But my parents decided that we should all eat out at a sushi restaurant as a treat. Of course I was supposed to have gotten more work done and I wasn't going to admit that I didn't.

So I went along on the restaurant plus paint-shopping trip which took an entire three hours. Ick.

Well, I thought that it wouldn't be so bad because it's SUSHI! So I went and got myself a platter of almost every kind they had. Maybe it was just me feeling not up to shape but all of the sushi tasted the same (not exactly the same, just very very similar). Hmph. I must be losing my touch at sushi tasting. They really shouldn't have been tasting the same.

I got sick of eating the sushi once I reached the last two pieces and decided that my favorite food of four years is no longer my favorite food.

I am reverting back to french fries. Childish, yes. But I don't see why not.

And after I got home, I felt horribly screwed. How am I going to get all my work done? Should have brought my physics to the restaurant.

In which Lizzy winces

2009-01-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

We had to plan out the entire quarter on a calendar as an assignment. List everything to be done that day and schedule in breaks. It was very time consuming and it made me depressed. The amount of work that ought to be done each day is very intimidating.

We have a giant ten page history research paper to do throughout the quarter, a group english project with a play which includes a performance of a scene and a presentation, an independent reading project, bunch of essays, bunch of math and physics tests, midterms, and finals. I think I failed my first physics test. Literally. Oops. Well hopefully, that doesn't happen for the rest of the quarter and they forget about it. Yay.

Bleh. I have never written a ten page paper. The last research paper I wrote was for that freaky FFF project in sixth grade that I wanted to burn. That one was six or seven pages with pictures, I think. All I did in the end was type out my giant outline and throw in fluff. My computer died on me the night before. It's not as if I could do much more. I deleted it out of spite after I turned it in. And I didn't even score that well on it for all the work I did. Bah.

My paper was on deforestation. After that project, I stopped being picky about recycling and threw some paper in the trash out of spite. Take that, you evil research paper!

And we also had to give a presentation on our topic. I had a really sore throat on the day of the presentation and was on the verge of losing my voice. Remember that? How I refused to speak at all the next day?
But of course someone did not believe me, I ended up forgetting that I couldn't talk (much less yell) at that very moment, and I murdered my throat some more. Well, at least she believed me afterwards. I was pissed. I was even more pissed when I got my grade back and noticed I lost points in the "speaking clearly" part. That was unfair. You try giving a presentation with a sore throat. Go on. I bet I did better.

I don't know. I just don't find history all that interesting. Some other people see it as one big interesting story. I think, oh no, giant textbook of doom. I think I shall settle on doing something about Schindler during WWII. The question will be what my thesis will be and how I can stretch it over ten pages.

Feh. I don't mind plays all that much. Shakespearean language just gets hard to understand at times but that's a bit irritating. At least, someone has told me I could do decent voice acting. That helps.

And this time, there won't be any directors to wail at me to be louder. Wahahahaha. Oh right. I was a director. Kapish. I completely lacked authority back then. Tell people something. People don't listen. Tell them again. They still don't. Argue with the other directors. They wail at me. I bash my head on the wall and decide to sit around doing nothing but smiling and nodding. It turned out fine in the end. I wish I had more lines in the introduction. It wasn't my fault someone chose to say everything. I hated how my voice sounded so high on the recording.

I hate how the louder I get, the higher my pitch. I also hate how in all recordings, my voice always sounds higher than everyone else's. Always annoyed me to death. It made me hate listening to myself.

And I hate how I sometimes lack conscious control over my volume, tone, and pitch. Just like the time I forgot to switch back off my whining ranting tone after I finished ranting. Ew. At least I got better.

In which Lizzy applauds

2009-01-04T21:38:00.000-08:00

Very very happy ACT scores.
Composite score of 36. Out of 36.
That is all you need to know.

New Year

2009-01-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

I was/am such a slacker during this break. I have barely done anything productive at all. That must change! And it shall change! All I need to do is split my mind into two! Have productive Lizzy conscious active part of the brain and procrastinator Lizzy nap in the subconscious. Actually, that sounds pretty difficult. Maybe I am addicted to procrastination. Woe is me. There is no rehab for that, is there?

But I did get to make snow bunnies!
Here are the pictures:

We got a lot of snow. The most ever.

Bunny I made right on that spot. It looks more like a bunny-squirrel-mouse-chipmunk-kangaroo hybrid though.

Bunny I made on the top porch. This is the part where you stare in awe at my bunny sculpting skills.

I was planning on making an army of snow bunnies when we got up to a foot of snow. unfortunately, the snow then was very clumpy and hard to sculpt with. I ended up having to punch the snow off at places instead of simply smoothing things out. this did not go too well once I got to the heads. So I had a miniature army of deformed zombie bunnies. No pictures. They pretty much collapsed the next day. I don't take pictures of un-lasting sculptures.

So here's a picture of some icicle flowers instead:

Now about academic stuff:

The first quarter was very icky. The work itself really isn't all that hard. It's the quantity of it that is very very icky. But don't tell anyone I said that. Apparently, some people end up dropping out because they lack the self-motivation and resent the work. Ugh. How can people not resent work? Supposedly there have been people who actually liked working and taking tests. Somehow I have a hard time believing that.
If anyone happens to track me down and gets... concerned, tell that person I am perfectly capable to getting everything done and that I do not have prioritizing issues.

Did a lot better on finals than on midterms on all subjects, except maybe physics. Not sure about that one since the evaluations didn't have that particular score. It was very happy anyway. I need to go fetch my actual tests and buy books today.

So I got the evaluations during the week I was snowed in. They were all pretty happy except for one depressing one. It stood out. I guess I must still be morally-challenged. Care to hazard a guess at the subject?

I ended up wailing and moping about it for two days. And then I read over it again and decided that some of the comments actually sounded pretty extremist and ridiculous and got irritated. My ego does not require deflation thank you very much. So I sent off a semi-ranting email (which I hope did not sound like ranting) with a bunch of questions concerning what exactly should I do since I am not so obviously (to me at least) doing something wrong. I never got a reply. Maybe it got lost or skipped over. Kapish. I think I should have gotten one. Then, I would at least know what I need to do. Oh well. Shall deal with it later.

I envy the people to appear to get sufficient amounts of sleep. There was this one kid who said he was going to do reviewing and studying over the break. I told him to stop making the rest of us hate him. It's okay. We don't really. He just really shouldn't have asked whether getting enough sleep meant he wasn't working hard enough that one time. I wanted to bash my head on the wall but that would have led to me losing brain cells and I couldn't have that.

Some other people made me want to bash my head on walls too. At least in the beginning. People who were once in the mindset of stereotypes and cliches about the world of classrooms and work.
Have some people really never taken a test in English or history class?

Everyone is very... eccentric. They are all very special and unique in their own ways just like everyone else. It is very ridiculous how those adjectives can seem paradoxical.
But there was no drama though aside from the slight rivalry at the beginning which was short lived and the occasional disagreement. Nothing worthy of recording. How exactly am I supposed to be evil now? I have a reputation to uphold! If there isn't anything this quarter, I am going to find a select few people and tell them I am disappointed with reality.

Our class is small. Only fourteen people. If anyone is at risk of dropping out, we are going to fish that person back up and make sure they stay.

This year I plan to procrastinate less since there is no way I can actually stop and actually stay ahead in work. And attempt to stay in shape. It was depressing how I tired so easily. Arm strength also completely went poof.

And now something I truly intend to keep because I am perfectly capable of doing so again and better:
I plan to have another giant summer get-together.

Well, this time there will have to be a bigger guest list and more contact information gathering. I will have people help me with that. Anyone who wants to shall! People can invite more people but like last time invited people must bring stuff too. And people will not make assumptions about my list and I shall not freely hand it out to people not in the planning process. And this time, a good majority of the people on that list shall come or face my wrath. Didn't have enough time for the last part last time. We shall mob the people who say they don't feel like coming. Bah to them. If they still don't feel like it, their loss. We shall have lots of fun to spite them. Since it will be summer, people absolutely will not use work as an excuse. I will personally screech in their ears that they have absolutely no right to say that to me of all people. And there shall be no complaints about numbers. That is my job and my job only. And there will be no people saying they will show up only to not. How annoying. This shall be planned well ahead of time to minimize any scheduling conflicts. Bah to the weather. Maybe in July this time since it rarely rains then. Not that it did last time. We shall have more than just me sending out the email. People can pick the person or people they feel like rsvping to. Simply because there will be some people I won't know so well and some people I'm not on the best terms with (Bah to you! At least I cared!) and some people who simply don't feel like responding. Also, I didn't like the idea of being seen as the singular host. And people will not be allowed to sit around and be bored, for my peace of mind. And of course any suggestions will be very very welcome. Planning, this year, shall be much much more well-rounded. Yay.

Well there are some goals. Now here's hope that I survive this year and rack up enough scholarship money for at least a year, which better happen for the sakes of my sanity, ambition, conscience (I haven't sold it, thank you very much), and happiness. Does anyone really own the moon in the first place?

Moping

2008-12-30T12:21:00.001-08:00

I have less than a week left of break.

[Edit 12/31/08: And my new layout modifications weren't working out and I couldn't figure out why. And I actually spent time 'shopping some images for it. I can't understand why I can't replace one image url with another and have it work. Bleugh.]

Snow Snow Snow

2008-12-21T17:01:00.000-08:00

I am officially snowed in. I probably have close to an entire foot of snow on my doorstep at this moment. The most snow I have ever seen. It looks very beautiful outside. Good thing the wind storm yesterday didn't hit my house though. Some people got their power blown out. Eep.

I made two very awesome snow bunnies. They were both the height of my little brother who is very tall for a six year old. I had to stop at that because the snow had gotten less sticky and my toes were freezing themselves off. It snowed a couple more inches last night and this morning so one of my bunnies is now headless and the other one has transformed into a snow mouse thing. Oh the horror.

Forget me not

2008-12-13T18:14:00.000-08:00

Is it better to be recognized and ignored or to be not recognized and ignored?

I had the less hated standardized test today. What horror. But the lesser of the two evils, right? I recognized someone in the registration line. In all fairness, we were definitely not close at all. We only knew each other by face and name.

So I walked over to say hi. And all I got back was a blank stare. Gee. Thanks.
I returned the favor by avoiding her afterward.

Thank you for reminding me why I have given up trying to keep in contact with people I haven't known for a good amount of time. Distanced relationships can only last so long. There is only so much time before the connection breaks.

I remember I had three awesome friends in elementary school. Two of them moved away. I never heard from them again. The third. I guess we just drifted apart. Maybe we were just too different, too dysfunctional. We've said hi a few times the years after but nothing much beyond that. Someone once asked me how I knew her in the first place.

"We used to be close friends."
"No way! You two are so different! She is nothing like you!"
"Yeah."

I met someone the summer before middle school at a summer program. We got to know each other over five weeks. At the end, we exchanged email addressed. At first, we emailed each other quite frequently. Of course we always waited for the other to respond before we made replies. All it took was one break and it was all gone.

Last reply I ever got was,
"My summer is going great!"

It sounded so generic.

I met someone else the year after. I guess we just clicked at some point. We were always together through three weeks.

"Did you two know each other before this?"
"Nope."
"What? I'm jealous!"

If that exchange had come three months later, I would have replied right after, "Don't be."

We had a few IM conversations for a few weeks before I began getting,
"Sorry. Can't talk right now." in response to my, "Hi! What's up?"
Every single time.

It was always me trying to start the conversation. And it would always halt there.

Last time we ever had an actual conversation (only time she ever initiated one) was because she was having problems with her email.
I told her about ways to fix it. In the end, she simply got a new one.

We have never chatted again since then. I felt used.

Distance. Never ever seeing each other much in actuality again. When I noticed some people I knew at the mall from years ago, I turned the other way. Part of me wanted to run up to them to burst out, "Hi! Remember me?" But I didn't. If they did remember, all we would have would be generic exchanges.

"Oh. So how are you?"
"Fine. Perfectly fine. You?"
"Same."

If they didn't, well would suck to be them.

I remember someone who had moved. And she tried hard to stay connected with people. When her people began having problems, she tried to mend things up herself. Tried to insert herself back in their lives.
Instead, she only ended up radiating desperation and sounding annoying as if she were intruding on personal matters. They disregarded her. Seemed mean and unfair but it was only expected. What were they supposed to do? Let her wail out all her suggestions and advice from afar?

Once you lose the connection with someone, is it really worth it to try to build it back up if it will only be gone again?

I better not be forgotten. Entirely.

Or there will be a vicious cycle of hospital trips for concussions and amnesia.

Hell Yeah!

2008-12-09T16:10:00.000-08:00

The finals are over. My break has officially begun. Four weeks of happy happy break.
Unfortunately, evaluations and the ACT comes at the end of this week which will put a damper on the happiness. But then after that it shall get better. Hopefully.

To Do List for Break:
~Visit people. Yes. Yes. Yes.
~Do some christmas shopping.
~Get a bit of work done for next quarter's work.
~Revamp blog layout. Finally.
~Sleep.
~Eat sushi.
~Draw comics.

The teachers said we would run out of things to do over break...
Contemplating whether or not I should believe it...

Chicken tastes better than turkey

2008-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

The finals are coming. The finals are coming.
I'm doomed. I'm doomed.
Where to start. Where to start.
Lack of motivation. Lack of motivation.
Need sugar. Need sugar.
Ice cream is now frozen ice. Ice cream is now frozen ice.
That sucks. That sucks.
Oh the horror. Oh the horror.
Lack of productivity. Lack of productivity.
Out of candy. Out of candy.
Dead dead dead. Dead dead dead.
Sigh sigh sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.
Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah.

Turkey really does make you sleepy.

Meep

2008-11-26T20:25:00.000-08:00

Life had been pretty empty of drama. I’m disappointed.

Academically, this is the worst year ever. The weekends aren’t enough time to recover from the weekdays because I still have to do work. The weekends aren’t enough time to recover sleep time either because I’m never allowed to sleep past ten anyway. Being a sleep-deprived zombie is not fun at all. And it doesn’t help my concentration at all.

Socially, I think it’s perfectly fine. Sure I have to see the same thirteen people again and again day after day but I haven’t gotten sick of them yet so it’s okay. No questioning my judgment on this part. I bet I’ll be sick of this situation by the end of the year though but that’s a good amount of time away.
Well, everyone has their little quirks. I guess mine would be my obsession with bunnies.

I bet that mostly everyone would not be able to go an entire day without using filler (like, you know, um, yeah). Me? I could.

I wish some people would stop tacking on those phrases (kind of, maybe, or something like that) that make them sound really unsure of themselves at the end of what they say.

I wish some people would stop being so down on themselves and whining about how horrible they did on an assignment or test (and the process, if they actually did decently, drag everyone else’s self-esteem down).

I wish some people would remember to eat their lunches.

I wish some people would not attempt to sing. At least not while listening to music through ear buds. It’s ear torture.

[Edit 11/28/08: Sounds like how we normally were the last year or so...]

Life is very drama lacking. I haven’t gotten irritated at anyone at all (Surprise, surprise). Although I think I might have gotten a few people a bit miffed.
Maybe it’s because we’re on the mindset that we are all stuck with each other for the year. We might as well be nice and show our good side (at least most of the time) so that we can stand each other.
And it’s also simply a lot harder to be bitingly sarcastic and dis… courteous toward people you really don’t know all that well. It’s similar to how it’s much easier to hash someone out online before you become aware that there is actually an actual person on the other side.

Homework takes up a lot of time. I guess I will only be visiting places over the breaks.
I get four weeks of winter break. It’s completely fair. I deserve four weeks. Do not contradict me.

PE really isn’t PE. It’s a lot of standing around, walking around, and watching people run around.
There is a divide in ability. Just a comment. Some people cannot throw a dodge ball to save their own lives. It was pretty depressing to watch.
And since PE is so pointless, we have stayed inside several times because not enough people wanted to go.

We’re all getting fatter because we lack the time to exercise. We’re all losing weight though but that’s because our muscles are turning into fat. My arms are skinny again. Yeesh. I need to work out over the break.

Finals are a little more than a week away. I can’t wait for them to be over. Break is right afterwards. It will feel very liberating.
I should probably attempt to be a bit more productive than I’m being now.

You’ll hear more from me when break begins.

Lizzy the zom.... bie

2008-11-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

As you may have noticed, I have temporarily fallen off the face of the blogging world. I decided that I will compensate for less posts by adding length. It's such an awesome plan...

My life is boring and repetitive. Phoosh. I can't wait until break.

Birthday's this week.

2008-11-17T20:49:00.000-08:00

I demand candy.

My birthday's this month!

2008-11-08T15:28:00.000-08:00

*claps*

Horrified. Very.

2008-11-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

Oh fu... dableughpish.

Someone hand me a tissue, a punching bag, a breakable window, and some bandages. It's going to be a long day.

And having the SAT today didn't help at all.

Things I Would Rather Not Find in My Pile of Halloween Candy

2008-10-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

Candy Corn: I remember the first time I tried one. The first thought I had beforehand was, “Candy corn… corn that tastes like candy!” which was immediately followed by a rush to the kitchen to down several cups of soda. Besides tasting horrendous, they tend to gather at the bottom of candy bags and create a very sticky mess.

Tootsie Rolls: They do not taste like chocolate at all. They are also extremely sticky which makes them a pain to eat. However, they are suitable for rolling into shapeless blobs to chuck at the people who refuse to trade with me.

Cheap Bubble Gum: Hard as rocks and almost entirely lacking in sugar.

Non-food Items: What am I suppose to do with these plastic projectiles/erasers/etc? I can’t eat them. (Well, I can but I refuse to).

Wax Things: Wax is what crayons are made out of. Wax is also something that does not go with dull, pasty flavors. As far as I know, crayons are not flavored either. How many people do you know go around sticking crayons in their mouths?

Peeps: Looks like someone bought them for Easter and realized that they really didn’t taste so great after all. Stale artificial coloring covered marshmallows from over six months ago that never tasted okay to begin with. Can clump together and explode in a microwave for amusement. Cleaning up takes effort though.

Circus Peanuts: Have a very odd orange color. Will also spike your blood sugar by a lot and give you diabetes. They, along with peeps, cheapen marshmallow—plain white ordinary marshmallow.

Apple Slices: Who knows what surfaces they could have touched. At least give me the whole apple so I can at least either inspect and feed to my guinea pig or toss it on your roof and watch it roll down and eventually hit the next person who comes along. Who eats fruit on Halloween?

Five-Year-Old Candy: Giving out old candy is just plain cruel. If you have to get rid of them, just leave them in a pot by the door and hope that someone who happens to be desperate for old candy/fuel/drug ingredients comes along. Or you could just throw them in the trash. Recycled candy is not appreciated.

Malted Milk Candy: I bite into these chocolate covered blobs expecting more chocolate and I get powdered milk—hard, powdery, and sugar lacking.

Black Licorice: Fine on other days when I know exactly what it is. Not fine on Halloween when everything is candy-coated.

Anything Fun-Sized: I fail to see how smaller portions translate to fun.

The Things in Black and Orange Wrappers: Something peanut-buttery and slightly taffy-like I think. Who cares what they are? I think they are disgusting.

Lollipops: I dislike all lollipops, actually. I do not trust the generic badly wrapped ones in particular. And I hate it when people eat lollipops in front of me—always making that awful slurping sound. It makes me want to gag.

Another Person’s Hand: It’s my candy! All mine! I am pretty sure your insurance does not cover damages inflicted by the actions of someone under the influence of temporary sugar-induced hyperactivity. I also own a crowbar.

>_>

2008-10-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

I am at school. I am typing this at school. I am posting this at school.
Because I can.

Someone undid my work on customizing things on this computer. I shall murder them.

Yay!

2008-10-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

My midterms are over!
(I think I failed the history one though. Literally. I fell asleep while I was studying. And once again on the bus. Really. I need to stop doing that. Has unfavorable consequences.)

I was very happy that it was over so I went and bought myself an overpriced smoothie. It was good while it lasted.

The next thing I'll have to worry about are the finals. They're in about a month. Impending doom. Oh the horror.
And this year, I have no one to sponge off for (history) study guides!
(Well, people do make outlines but I can get the equivalent online.)

I shall assure myself that people did worst than me. Therefore, I should not worry about epic failure. We plan to get a stamp for one of our teachers that reads "epic fail." It will be very fitting.

(Got 80% on physics midterm. Was best score. Was nice enough to spare other people's self-esteem. But some of the other people want to eat person who got 80%. So I say nothing anyway.)

Lizzy fell off a cliff

2008-10-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

This is the part where you attempt to fish her back up.

Lizzy is discontented

2008-10-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

Lizzy had plans to finish most of everything that's due for her next week. Lizzy is failing at following through with her plans. Lizzy feels like a nerd who fails at being a nerd.

I need to sleep more and get outside more often. Procrastinating on a computer has lost its fun.
I haven't even touched photoshop or any web games since I began school because now I am completely conscious of those as very effective time wasters.

I really should get started on my three essay drafts.

This is like prism only procrastinating has worse consequences. I can't actually do homework during the school day (like some of us used to do). Somehow I used to get work done a lot faster that way. All adrenaline. I seem to lack it this year.

Mostly everyone in my class uses filler when they talk. I said that the class would not last a single day without saying the word "like." No one contradicted me. Maybe if I told that to a single person, I could have turned it into a bet.

I began counting the number of times people said it in a single response for my own amusement. 12. 8. 6. 7. 5. 9.

PSAT this Wednesday. Not looking forward to it.
Midterms the next week. Not looking forward to those either.
I need to reread the history textbook. Skimming doesn't work anymore.

I guess this is what makes up "academic hell."
Things will get less cringe worthy after this quarter. After winter break. It will all be downhill from there. Happy thoughts. Happy happy happy.

Should I have gone to high school?
Do I regret this decision?

No and no. Absolutely not.

Yes, I have even less time for myself than the last three years.
Yes, I will be missing out on things.
Yes, I have technically "ditched" everyone.
Yes, that sucks.

But I am perfectly fine. Well, not perfectly.
It's nothing I can't handle.

So what if I have "thrown away my social life" in exchange for this?
What do I gain besides that in high school?
It's for one year. Just one year.
I would rather not have my judgment questioned thank you very much.

No one really knows me here. I can begin without a reputation.
I can be the happy happy person who is willing to help instead of the pessimistic realist.
And no one will mockingly gasp, "You're not being negative! You're talking about happy things! You're helping someone! Who are you? What have you done to our Lizzy? Oh never mind! We don't care! You don't have to take her back! We can all live with this one!"
We have someone else who can fill in complaining block.

I still ask people to throw away my stuff for me. Nice little people who make me feel better about my height. Most of them are shorter or younger or both. I have the right to call them as little.

They say the years after in college will be pretty easy.
I can make up for all the things I miss then.
I still want updates though. Keep them coming.

I want to eat sushi.

Dread

2008-10-02T21:06:00.000-07:00

I have failed at not procrastinating this week.
Which meant I ended up very tired in the mornings.

What I have learned in PRISM:
How to play off sleepiness and brain-shutdown.

My homework schedule really doesn't look that bad. And it really shouldn't. I mean there are a couple things due every day but everything is pretty spaced out.
Too bad I'd rather just do everything due the next day and leave it at that.

----------

I also have the feeling that I should start participating.

Spanish classes as well as summer stretch this year are examples of why I find it more and more pointless to contribute anything at all.

Spanish first quarter:
Participated plenty. Answered questions. Wrote answers on the board.
Did anything that could be considered "participation."
I got 80%

Spanish second quarter:
Barely did anything. Did the previous things when I had to.
I got 80%

Spanish third and fourth quarters:
Decided that participating was pretty pointless. There should have been a discrepancy between the previous two quarters but there was not. Barely did anything.
Cost me my grade. Tipped to a "B+."

The next year:
Got a bunch of 75%s.
Fortunately, there were enough other grades to balance it out so I wasn't feeling murderous at the end of the year.

Summer stretch first week:
That was the most I have ever talked in classes. I thought I said plenty. PLENTY.
Got a 3/5.
Comments mentioned I was "barely passing" for participation.
Excuse me?

Second week:
Began counting the times I said things in comparison to other people. I did more than half the class.
"Not much improvement."
3/5

Third week:
Continued keeping a count. Slacked off.
3/5
Wondered how some other people got a 5/5 for saying about the same amount as me.

Fourth week:
Forced self to participate.
Apparently there was "improvement." For that I got an "extra point."
Extra leh?
4/5

Fifth week:
Gave up.

I came up with a few theories as to why:

~I'm just not that noticeable. My voice is not exactly distinct.
(Except to a few people who recognized me right away when I called them.)
I also lack volume control. Sometimes I end up talking quietly without realizing it. Other times the reverse. ("You are completely insane and I'm going to tell you why!")

~Other people tend to say "um," "ah," and "like" a lot.
I have said "um" once during a recital when I couldn't remember my lines.
I have said "like" sporadically.
Unlike a lot of people, if you told me to go without saying it, instead of gasping in shock, I would say, "No problem. What do I get in the end?"

Of course without the filler language, along with the fact that I talk pretty fast, I end up talking for about half the time as other people.

Would like um you know using filler like more in my um speech like totally up my score because like I am totally like talking like a lot more?

~I talked in the middle of discussions instead of the beginning or end.
I am not memorable.

~I occasionally say things that are irrelevant to the discussion or whatever we happen to be doing.
("When's lunch?") ("That site has awful bandwidth!") ("I brought my laptop!") ("I like bunnies.") ("Candy candy candy sugar sugar sugar!") ("This takes effort.") ("I like ice cream too!")

I don't know. Is that suppose to count against me?

~Apparently I don't "test ideas." Instead I dish out "well-formulated" ones.
Which of course would end up with me talking less.
I prefer sounding like I know what I am talking about to stumbling over my own words. It's more professional thank you very much.
Of course taking the time to think means other people sometimes end up saying what I had been planning to say.

And so I came up with..

A new plan for participation:

~Start out by not actually doing anything.
~Do something.
~Gradually do more and more.
~Well then they can tell I haven't participated a lot per se but they will see "improvement."
~That means in the end, I shouldn't be bashed with low participation marks.

If my plan fails, I can go all out on a rant.
I would have plenty of examples to back up my claim.

----------

Overview of the classes:
(Because I said I would keep people updated. You might as well know about the classes.)

English:
Have been working with narratives in a book. Read about techniques used. Have a narrative due on Monday.

History:
The middle ages and the renaissance. We did that in seventh grade. Too bad I don't remember much. Textbook borderlines on the boundary of boring. Maybe that's mainly because the pages are huge and packed with smaller text. It is definitely better than the history textbooks we had in LA/SS.

Physics:
Motion. Formulas. Applicational word problems.

Math:
To be honest, I am bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.
I have already taken pre-calc.

I am currently contemplating whether I should see if I can take a calculus class (it will have to be a college class) beginning in the winter quarter instead of spring.
That would mean I won't be able to breeze through the subject, simply get everything done, and sit there.
That would mean I will actually have to put more effort into it. I have no idea how much work it would add.

But then again, I was bored. I considered doing some homework in class but that would be rude. But then again, flipping through the textbook instead of paying attention to the board was kind of rude too. As well as doing origami with graph paper.

I was a bit miffed today because no one was giving an answer the simple question of how to represent a plain ordinary number in complex number form.
And so I answered.
And I felt the slightest bit bad for being annoyed.

Ethics:
Why is it wrong to throw puppies into wood chippers?
Why is it wrong to deep fry them?
Why is it wrong to throw knives at children?

We concluded that divine command theory is dead because it cannot be proven with reason.

PE:
Haven't had it yet. Having it tomorrow.

[Edit 10/3/08:
We went outside in the rain. We could either play ultimate frisbee or tennis.
Somehow the idea of running around in the rain wasn't exactly appealing to me.
So I took a racket and found out that something has gone horribly wrong with my judgment of distance. Maybe it was the sleepiness and the rain too.
So I did pretty pitifully and got soaked. But that's okay. Some people were more pitiful than me. It got dull after a a while though.

Who said that I was a "great tennis player" for the prism graduation memories?
That was such a lie.]

Lunch:
I have been neglecting my "duty" of cleaning the kitchen.
I could pretend that I have been cleaning some and that people messed it up after I left though.
I get to doodle a giant bunny army on the board. Temporary graffiti. With chalk.

Now, people are using the board to compare answers to math homework problems.
I just draw around them.

After class:
I either leave, go home, and eat.
Or if I feel like it, stay a while, and finish up some homework I know I will end up putting off until later at home.

If I recover over the weekend, I guess I can begin visiting IL after school next week.

My backpack is heavy.
The classroom need air conditioning.

More horrors

2008-09-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yay! The weekend came! That means sleep sleep sleep for me!
That means faster recovery! That means I am currently feeling a lot better than I have been the past few days!

I really need to work on my non-procrastination plan. I had planned to get all my reading and notes for this week done this weekend.
I only succeeded in doing everything that is due tomorrow.
I definitely need to step it up.

But my head was throbbing pretty horribly yesterday so I ended up sleeping during the middle of the day for four hours.
That shall be my excuse for my lesser than expected productivity.
Still coughing pretty badly though.

Turns out I still have to take the SAT and ACT this year to "raise my scores" so that I can "better compete" in the future. Horrible.
At least I can assure myself that I will never be having another standardized test (until college) after this quarter.
I am not happy.

Homework will pile up. I can feel it looming in the near future. It is almost like one of those un-plot-ful horror movies that are extremely predictable.
I should get my computer and laptop straightened out soon. Had the hard drives wiped recently because of operating problems. I also need to install word on both.

I still need a RAM upgrade for my laptop. They say 2GB should be the minimum for working with vista.
I don't like vista but it was the only thing they had. The user control alerts are extremely annoying. Supposed to make it more secure leh? At the cost of questioning me about everything and making me paranoid huh? Turning it off defeats the purpose but I think I will turn it off anyway. What happened to the folders? What happened to the games? They have win/lose stats now! Makes me refuse to play minesweeper during boredom sessions.
And of course program restrictions which have been nicely dubbed "freedom restrictions." Feh. Not going on about that. There's enough ranting about it as is.

Oh yes. Homework shall pile up and I will be deathly horrified.
This is like LA/SS homework times three. English. History. Ethics.
There's less homework for math and physics.

Now some things said about TS:

"Some people have said that TSers have no social life. That is a myth. TS will essentially become your social life."

I found that a bit unnerving. It made me feel claustrophobic.
Well, school and the things connected to it are really what make up social life right?
This is the part where you say, "Yes, of course, you are completely right."

"Expect that everyone will be dating sometime during the year. Every. One."

I twitched.

And also,

"Expect people to be getting together and breaking up in the same week."

Okay. So I can infer that [most] relationships do not last.
What's the point getting together for the purpose of breaking up?
Personally, I cannot see anything lasting for very long. It's all at this time pretty pointless.

*plans to be evil and record all events that should occur*

"Someone will drop out."

Feh. We already have a dropout. Does that make the rest of us safe?

"You get a prom at the end of the year."

Yeah. With fourteen people. Lovely.

"Homework should only take three hours on average a day. People take more and end up complaining about having twice that because they procrastinate. Coming out of PRISM is an advantage. It's good preparation."

Reminder to never procrastinate. Reminder to never procrastinate. Reminder to never procrastinate.

"You're all going to have a fun year!"

Thank you for the encouragement.

I get a really long winter break which is very happy.
I heard BSD starts winter break on the 24th.
*pities you all*

I shall visit then. Maybe a couple whole days.
I can use the "I don't want to screw up my sleeping schedule" excuse.
I shall pass myself off as someone on extended vacation or someone on tour and follow people around everywhere.
I shall also go around waving at people through the windows because I said I would do that.

And hope they won't kick me out.

[Added 9/9/08:
I began coughing again last night.
How long exactly is it supposed to take to recover from coughs?

Well, my brother was sitting on the couch next to me. He began freaking out.

"No! Stop coughing germs on me! Stop coughing germs on carpet!"

He got up and ran. He came back a minute later with a napkin...
And began wiping the carpet.

I asked him what he was doing.

"I'm wiping the germs off the carpet."

I told him that wasn't physically possible.

"Yes it is! See! I'm wiping them off!

As far as I could tell, he wasn't succeeding.

I guess he will become a hypochondriac when he gets older.]

Horror

2008-09-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

I started school today.
Still with a cold.

Oh no.

[Edit 9/26/08: I seem to be taking colds worse and worst. I've been feeling completely out of it for a week. So obviously I feel very headache-y.]

One word

2008-09-21T12:14:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

[Edit 9/23/08: I've missed the two days of orientation and I'm still fevering. Bleh.]

School starts soon. I really need to get started on writing all my notes for my summer questions. I would have started yesterday. Really, I would have. And I would have been halfway done too!
But I just had to get sick.

We had a TS/EEP sleepover on Friday/Saturday.
It was fun. We played games and got to know each other a bit better. But it became quite a bore afterwards.

It was pretty difficult to keep conversations going when you don't really know the people that well. Starting off with the generic "How was your summer? How's life?" doesn't illicit the usually more lengthy responses.
I got cut off a lot too. Getting cut off isn't fun. It makes me feel like I seem desperate to have stuff to say even though I'm most likely not giving off that impression. It makes me trail off into nothingness when I realize I'm talking to myself.

Lots of silence. Silence is boring.

"I'm bored."
"I think we're all bored. Saying it just makes it worst."
"..."
"..."
"I'm bored."
"..."

That used to break up awkward silences. Obviously didn't work. Only made it more awkward.

We watched three movies one after the other beginning at 11pm and ending at 5am.
These people seriously don't sleep at sleepovers. We went on youtube afterwards and watched more "movies" there.

I had half an hour of sleep. Half an hour. Second almost-all-nighter I have ever pulled off.
I fell asleep in a chair leaning against a couch (couch taken) sideways which was a pretty uncomfortable position. Makes sense why I only got half an hour. At least, since everyone (on the most part) was still awake, no snoring.

I didn't need the pillow and sleeping bag I brought. In fact, I had no need for anything that I brought. All extra baggage.

The morning was really dull. I thought: no way am I ever staying up that late ever again. Dull. Dull. Dull.

Apparently no sleep drastically degrades your immune system. That and walking in the rain cold and damp afterwards.

I got pretty sick yesterday. I was basically out the whole day. No caffeine either.
And I'm still pretty sick. Not cool. I need to work. But I feel ill. Ugh.
That was why I didn't get anything done.

I need to recover. And fast. School begins this week! I need to get my work done!
I still feel very light headed and cloudy. Don't know exactly how productive I can be if I force myself to work now.

Last time, I typed up a paper on a sleep-deprived mind, it ended up with a load of obvious typos and mis-phrasings that I only noticed them when I got it back. One shot of awfulness.

I decided on that day: No more bs-sing my way through assignments.

I'll be completely running off adrenaline when I can finally get to work.
After this, absolutely no more procrastination for me. I won't be able to handle any more of the cycle of unproductivity. Literally.

No more staying up for myself. No more staying up for other people.

No more procrastination. If I happen to be up past ten and I'm not on a break, tell me I must be doing something wrong.

I hate being sick. But at least it helps put things in perspective.

(Typing up a blog entry is a pretty passive activity. Takes time but barely takes any thinking energy. That's why I'm typing this, and still not working.)

Mutant

2008-09-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

My little brother is a mutant. He suffers from extreme gullible-ness. Especially when it comes to what he should fear.

"Don't touch the outlets! They're dangerous!"
"Don't cross the street without an adult! It's dangerous!"
"Don't do this! Don't do that!"

And what does he do? He goes around reprehending the rest of us.

"Lizzy! Don't touch it!"
"Lizzy! Wait! WAIT WAIT WAIT!"
"Lizzy!"

Until we told him that "bigger" people were allowed to do the things he wasn't.

He is very very very afraid of any kind of conflict.
We took him to see the movies. He hid from the screen and cried during all the fight scenes (it was animated). Fortunately, the movies were always loud enough to drown him out.

We watched TV. He would always snatch the remote and switch it off when...
~Fight scenes
~Destruction scenes
~Arguments
~Characters getting mad at each other

It became impossible to watch anything. Especially cartoons. Even the ones for little kids like him. Annoying.
And he would run off with the emote as well.
And then he would run back and switch off the power strip and guard it rendering all efforts taken to go up to the TV to turn it back on useless.
(For some reason, he would insist on watching the news which contains much more violence than anything I had planned to watch.)

He also dislikes raised voices.

"BE QUIET! BE QUIET! BE QUIET! WAH! BE QUIET!"

Even when they aren't exactly high in volume. Little kids are always hypocrites.

He shall grow to be a pacifist.

Someday he will be patrolling the playground pushing people apart with the occasional shoutings of "No fighting! Stop arguing! Stop stop stop!"

And later he will be gathering up mobs to advocate world peace and the future as a utopian society without any conflict whatsoever.

And I will be around poking him, making water bombs, and stealing the last cookie.

Just to prove he won't be winning anytime soon.

One accomplishment

2008-09-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

I have finished 4 out of the five books I have to read!
That means I only have to read one more tedious book!
Very happy!

School is going to start soon. That means I have to cure myself of procrastination and not succumb to its temptations!
No procrastination! I shall survive TS! And then some more.

Turns out I will actually have to do well if I want to continue at UW.
Minimum GPA requirement. That means I really shouldn't slack. Also, I have no idea how they calculate GPA so just to be on the safe side, I'll have to do well.

The PSAT is going to eat me.
Must do well. I somehow have to get my number of wrong answers down to two.
One possible wrong for writing.
One (maybe two) possible wrong for critical reading.
Absolutely cannot miss a math question.

Standardized tests do a good job of proving to me that I can't read. It's bad for my self esteem. It's not nice to make my self-esteem go down. How dare you!

Writing: Possible. I guess.
CR: Very doubtful. That makes me sad.
Math: Should be fine. As long as I don't misread anything.

If I can do that, then I will be absolutely fine afterwards. For the most part. I think.
No SAT! No ACT!

My future college and job applications will look very special...

"I never went to high school!"

Person who approves things: "Another drop out? Wtf."

I hate work

2008-09-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

I actually have to start picking up the pace on my reading now.
Only what? 21 more days!
I'm not even going to touch the questions. The heading does say "questions to consider" though. Consider. Consider =/= Answer. I'm going to ask about that.

Psh. Teachers striking? Doesn't affect me at all.
Curriculums and pay and contracts.

Well... there's still bad news for me.
I have to take the PSAT this October. I'm supposed to have another two years to prepare for it but I don't get that and you know why.
It's for scholarship (merit). One shot. No chance of redoing.
At the rate I'm going, I will be able to score decently. But there is a very slim chance that I'll be able to score high enough to actually qualify for a scholarship.

Thing is, I actually need a scholarship. And if I don't get it, well, after this year, I'm screwed.

*insert cheesy overdone animation of a little kid breaking open a piggy bank only to find it empty*

Somehow, I'm not at all motivated to start studying.
I hate standardized tests.

Bleugh

2008-08-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had a nightmare and one semi-happy dream.

In the nightmare, these people showed up at my door and demanded that I sell them my guinea pig.
Of course, I said no and slammed the door. Well, I tried to but doors never seem to work properly in my dreams. They either shrink when I try to close them or they fall off the hinges. This time, it just froze.

And so the people barged in. They took Jinni and but a tracker on him.
They said I could hang on to him for a little while while they get all the stuff into their car. I was not happy.

And then, they suddenly changed their mind deciding that it took too much effort and that guinea pigs were all smelly and messy.
And so they left.

And I was left horrified because they made a giant mess in the hallway. And in the dream, I had not cleaned the cage yet.

In the happy dream, I had telekinesis. That was very awesome. Can move stuff around with my mind.

Basically, I, along with a lot of other people who also had their own superpowers, were teleported into a giant maze like structure. It had white walls, and shiny lights.
We were to locate the people we were supposed to find and take them with us to the exit. And we were allowed to attack other people if they were in our way and keep them from escaping.

And so I began running around and around and around... in circles before I found a door I had missed. I went through that and continued down the tunnel. There were less lights in the tunnel. It was very easy to avoid the other people. Could just shove them out of the way.

At the end of the tunnel was a giant room. It had a giant TV and a couch. There were people on the couch playing video games. And one of those people was the person I was supposed to take with me.
But of course nobody wanted to leave the TV because the game was just that interesting.

And so I unplugged it. They weren't very happy with me. But the person was happy because apparently he was losing.

And so I went further down the tunnel and ended up... at a fast food restaurant. We decided to order some food. I was getting bored because it was taking so long for them to make the food and so I began movingthe tables around in the air...

The person was freaked out that I could do that and ran away from me.
Which meant that I would be stuck in the game.

That wasn't happy. And I didn't even get my food.

Why I Seem to Hate Everything

2008-08-23T21:24:00.000-07:00

People shoot off death rays of half rate impressions.

Some people never seem to realize that they are horrible singers.
If you happen to know who they are, please don’t tell these people I mentioned them.

Kid: *singing flatly (monotone) to ipod*
Me: Please don’t sing.
Kid: *doesn’t hear* *keeps singing*
Me: I hate that song! Even though I’ve never heard it before!
Kid: It’s my favorite song…
Me: Well, you just ruined it for me.

That night, I looked up the song on youtube.
Turns out, it wasn’t so awful after all.
(The singing was really horrific. I really don’t think having ear buds can throw you off and make you that devoid of any tone. So I am forced to conclude that it wasn’t the ear buds. Some people really are horrible.)

Different incident. Different person.

Kid: *singing off-key to ipod*
Me: “Shake it,” right?
Kid: Yep *keeps singing*
Me: You’re off.
Kid: I know.
Me: And you have the lyrics wrong.
Kid: Be quiet.

Have ear buds in, can’t hear your own singing!
Doesn’t mean other people can’t hear it!

Of course I could have just yanked them out of their ears and stolen their ipods. Would be a very effective way to end the ear torture except I was too nice to actually do that. Have to settle with putting up with it and ranting about it later. Can also annoy the singer by bursting in with an “I hate that song!” every five seconds.

New order of actions: Deal with it first. Complain later.

Should record them singing, slip it into their mp3s, loop the track, and superglue the ear piece to their ears. Force them to listen to what the people around them are forced to listen to. Of course they will be forced to listen to themselves for weeks on end because superglue takes a while to come off. Bet they’ll keep their mouths shut afterwards from then on.

Another plan for making the world the slightest bit more perfect for the general public. Haha.

--------

My parents signed me up for this week long art class. It finally ended yesterday.
Five and a half hours for five days. Ughhh. Well at least now I know I can sit through at least a week of school when it starts without sleeping/ crashing/ losing another chunk of my sanity.
It was really dull. Sitting next to an easel for two hours drawing still life. Break for lunch. Two and a half hours of sitting at the easel and painting.

The kitchen smelled really odd. The cupboards had baking ingredients which are probably expired and drug samples which I could have swiped and sold on the streets. The fridge was filled with leftovers from who knows how long. There was a bag of chips (I think) on the counter which I didn’t touch.
I don’t trust food items left in odd-smelling kitchens.

Actually, I would have been able to stand being bored and all. I managed to survive the bus rides for summer stretch as well as the classes and lunch. This would have been nothing compared to that.
But no. Let’s just say that there was a very… incompetent person in my class. I mean extremely incompetent.
I thought she was fine in the beginning.

“I don’t really draw. I do stick figures.”

And then she just got annoying. Apparently, she really couldn’t draw. We would always go around and look at everyone else’s drawings when we were done.
She always had scribbles that looked like a five-year-old drew them. They’re better than anything my brother can draw though. I’ll give her that.

“Time for introductions. Tell us your name, what school you go to, and something about yourself.”

She went and hid behind a pole.

“Um… I’m really shy.”

I thought, pathetic.

After the first day, during the drawing part of class, she would always sit it out saying that she is too tired to do anything. She’d go to the side and color. Color. With her coloring books.

“I’m too tired to do anything!”

She stuttered a lot. Her voice sounded extremely nasally. I cringed inside every time she spoke. She actually talked a lot. So much for being “shy” huh?
Lunches were especially cringe-worthy. Always saying things smack in the middle of other things that didn’t go with them.

It really sounded like she was desperate to simply have something to say.

Later, we put music on. She tried to sing along and dance to the beat and failed horribly. I didn’t think I would hear anything worst than what I mentioned above.
And then she told other people who were singing to stop. I twitched.

“I just had two sandwiches, some candy, and a bag of chips! I ate so many calories! I’m gonna be fat!”
“Don’t say that!”

I thought, Yeah. It wouldn’t have made much of a difference no matter what you ate anyway. Really.

I wondered if she was trying to fit into the stereotypical teenage girl’s obsession with weight and body image. Just trying to fit in. And it wasn’t working.

“Ugh. I’m still hungry! I ate an entire sandwich and I’m still hungry! Hungry!”

She repeated several times while we were all (except her) forced to draw. Save it for lunch please.
She actually ate some of the questionable food in the kitchen that no one else wanted to touch.

“I’m still hungry! Does anyone have a dollar! I want to use the vending machine!”

Of course we had nice people who gave her the dollar for the vending machine.
I wondered if they were secretly annoyed at her as I was.

Every time she spoke, I wanted to tell her to shut up. Or at least to fix her voice. Stop stuttering. Stop speaking through your nose.
Every time she didn’t do anything and sat around in the back, I wanted to shove her back to her easel and make her do something. Something.
Every time she went complaining about food, I wanted to say, “You’ve already eaten plenty! Let the people here keep their money! Bring your own for the machines if you’re still hungry! Or just eat the stuff on the counter! You’re the only one who does anyway!”

I just could not help but be extremely exasperated with her
Annoying personality.
Annoying attitude.
Annoying voice.
Annoying inabilities.

One of the days, our instructor said,

“I really like this class! Everyone is so focused and nice to each other! I’ve taught other teen classes and there’s usually at least one person who was really mean to everyone but not here!”

All I thought then was… I am a terribly mean person. I just didn’t show it.

On the last day, she complimented my painting. Without stuttering. Without sounding nasally. For just once.

My first thought was: You’re actually talking normally!
I immediately felt bad.

But then she went back to talking with that annoying nasally voice.
The feeling faded.

I really pity her.
Sometimes, you are better off not knowing what people really think of you.
She will never know what I really thought of her.

sobs

2008-08-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

I had an eye exam yesterday. My vision got worst. Again.
They said that it was "normal" and "expected."

Parents: "Wah! It got even worst! Too much reading! Too much computer! Take breaks now and then! Make sure there's enough light! We told you so! If it keeps getting worst at this rate, soon you won't be able to see anything!"

And to think I used to have 20/10 vision. Used to be able to read the bottom line of the chart. No problem.

What happened?
School happened. PRISM happened. Studying happened. More studying happened.

Parents back then: "Make sure you never need glasses."

So much for that.

Bleh. Once I'm financially independent, I'm getting lasik or if they have something better by then, I'll get that. Must fix fix fix fix. Revert revert revert revert.

I wonder if the placebo effect applies. Don't think it'll get worst, it won't get worst.

I'm going to go be not happy now.

Food is good

2008-08-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

My parents said they would take me out for sushi after I finished summer stretch so we went to a sushi and seafood buffet for lunch yesterday!

Altogether I ate:
~A plate piled with sushi.
~A plate piled with meat, noodles, and rice.
~A bowl of udon.
~Smaller plate of little cakes.
~Another plate of the cakes.
~Bowl of ice cream.

The sushi was good. They had a pretty large variety and they made them look pretty with colorful sauces. The sauces were spicy though. Too bad I don't really like spicy sushi. But it was good! *piles onto plate*

The noodles and rice were nothing special. Can make something similiar at home. And with less oil too.

I like udon. It tastes good. But it came with soup, seaweed, and not much else. Aside from the floating onion and tempura pieces. Also, the soup had msg so I just ate the noodles and seaweed and left it at that.

I was planning on getting more sushi but I was beginning to feel full.

The cakes were very tiny and cubular with itty bitty layers. They were very pretty. And yummy too. So I had two plates. OM NOM NOM.

They only had one flavor of ice cream: vanilla. But that's okay. It melted very quickly. Soft serve always melts quickly.

I felt very stuffed afterwards.

-------

I had a very odd dream last night.

There was a new web development company and they wanted me to beta test stuff. They also said they would provide free food. So I went.

The headquarters was plain and white like the annoying white room I was in in my other dream except it was much bigger and it had giant windows. All I could see through the windows was sky though. Blue.

They told me they wanted me test out their new browser system.
I typed in a url and then a wall rose up from the ground in the center of the room. It took a while but eventually, it showed the webpage. So I walked over to the wall and continued.

A new wall came up with each webpage I opened.
(They looked very similiar to how they do in real life. They also had a lot of differences but those never registered.)

I thought the system was very laggy. The walla took a long time to come up and I still had to wait afterwards.

And then I tried to clear the cache.
It didn't work. The people there told me the records were permenent. I wasn't very happy about that.

They asked me if I liked the system.

I told them, "No! I hate it!"

They offered me the food they promised me. Sandwiches.
I told them I didn't like sandwiches so they brought me a very thin slice of cake.

I tried it. It had no taste.
And then I began feeling disoriented. The cake was drugged.

I woke up with a headache.

I have decided...

2008-08-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

I shall write a book!

I already have the plot down [mostly] except I think I complicate things too much at the end.
Oh well, we'll see.

I shall get myself a bunch of editors and a publisher and it shall be my wonderful work of art. Haha.

Except there's always the possibility that I'll get lazy and put if off altogether...

Like I did with my layout!

OH NO!

*wails in horror*

I hate muffins

2008-08-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

We went to the store and bought a lot of yogurt. Food is getting expensive. Inflation is pitiful.

Did you know that coffee yogurt actually tastes like coffee?
My brother thought coffee was the same as chocolate so he insisted that he have one too. And then my mom asked me if it tasted good. I said yes because I like coffee and coffee (with enough sugar) tastes good and the yogurt tasted like coffee.

So she had one too. And so my supply of coffee ice cream was depleted.

Well, turns out they didn't like it anyway. Hmmph.

----

The new twilight came out a few days ago and the forums are still plagued with OCD rabid fanatic posts.
Deja vu. It was the same (but to a much greater extent) with HP last year.

(Holy crap. The last HP book was complete and utter crap. Lack of plot. Out of characterness. Blatant cliches. Even crappier epilogue. *goes out on strings of complaints* Do not contradict me.
I am not being biased. I actually liked the series a lot [a lot] at the beginnning.
[Read first book about ten times. To some people, that's hardly any, but this is me. *twitch*])

I shall never read it. Partly because I highly doubt I will like it (Nah. I know I won't like it. But if I happen to feel complain-happy one day, it would make a nice subject. Even if it will get me mobbed.) And partly out of spite.

Phone converstation with a random guy who stole the phone from the intended callee.
(It's not nice to steal phones from people! How dare you!)

Guy: Another twilight book's coming out.
Me: That's nice.
G: Are you going to get it?
M: I don't read twilight.
G: You don't read twilight? What kind of girl are you?
M: ...

And he went on about the movie and other randomness I didn't catch because I wasn't listening.
And then, he hung up on me! Rude much?

[Edit 8/8/08: I read the plot summaries on wikipedia.
*gigglesnort* *bursts out laughing*
I know summaries usually portray books negatively as everything is clumped together but that was just creepy. You know I hate shoved together happy endings that only serve to make the world go round, right?]

----

If there's anyone who gets to do the hanging up, it shall be me!
We had family friends over this weekend. So I spent a day with with two hyperactive cousins who were constantly... fighting and annoying each other to death.
Bleh.

But we managed to pick Jinni (the guinea pig) up. Which was a very awesome accomplishment.

Well...

2008-08-01T09:36:00.001-07:00

[Edit 1:37PM: Bleh... Spur of the moment rant.]

[Edit 5:08PM: Oh never mind the above. Stupid issue got brought up again. They say I deserve to be sent on guilt trip. There is now a new dent in the wall where I chucked my alarm clock. I'd chuck it at the window too if I had forgotten there are mosquitoes in the summer.]

This didn't turned out the way I expected.
Right now, I SHOULD be at UW on the LAST day of summer stretch at a bowling party ENJOYING myself. And here I am typing this up right at home.

Oh let's just say that I overslept and we had a little understanding.
My mom woke me up at the normal time for getting out of bed and I told her:

"Class is 10 to 12 today!"

She said ok and I went back to sleep. What? Is it selfish to want another 30 minutes of sleep? HUH?

So that would be thirty minutes overshot by a fucking hour.
So. I basically slept for another fucking hour and a half.

So I woke up pretty annoyed. Well, she'd have to drive me then. And there's still enough time for that.

So I said:
"I told you that 10 was when class started."
"I thought you meant that qwas when we had to leave!"
"I SAID class was from 10 to 12!"

Leave at ten? What about the 12 then?
I DID say 10 to 12! What is that supposed to be huh? Travel time?
HELL NO!No common sense leh!

WELL she got pretty mad.
I forgot to set my alarm clock a second time so yeah go ahead and blame me but assuming that 10 is the leaving time is just plain... WTF.

So we got in the car. Little brother stayed behind.
She yelled at me about being irresponsible. She repeated herself a lot.
GET NEW EXAMPLES MEH! HAVE TO ALWAYS HEAR SAME THINGS!

And she drove me to the fucking bus stop.
What was I going to do? LATE ALREADY! Half of day would be over when I get there! No point!

So I told her that there was no point if she was just going to drop me off there.

"DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD DRIVE YOU ALL THE WAY TO UW AND LEAVE YOUR BROTHER AT HOME?"

Eh. You had a point. I doubt you even knew how to get there.
So I told her to take me home. I actually don't NEED to be there.
My day would have been a lot better though. Dammit.

And she went on about me being irresponsible again. Repeating the same one thing over and over again which made me pretty pissed.
I GET IT ALREADY! I IRRESPONSIBLE! MY OWN FAULT! YOU SUPPOSEDLY HAD COMPLETELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!

I say her fault was her faulty reasoning. I didn't cause that now, did I.

She asked why I didn't need to go. Of course I wasn't going to say that it was because we were having a freaking party. I stayed silent.

We got home. She was still mad at me. I was very bored with her speech. I never could learn to tune out rantings and speeches.

And then little brother had to open the door and ask, "Why don't you need to go? Why don't you need to go?"

"I can just email the final essay."

A bit later,
"Why don't you need to go?"
"Just told you"
"WHY DON'T YOU NEED TO GO?"

Hmmph. Little kids. So annoying. Think they can get anything with volume. I already in bad mood! What cannot see huh?

"I'M NOT GOING BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO!"

At which point he bursted into tears because that's what he always does when he hears loud voices. Heh. Wouldn't have survived car ride. Wasted a bit of gas and four five sheets of paper.

And of course I couldn't be bothered to go comfort him. Have been doing this for years meh! Always crying at everything! Get used to it already!

No point anyway. If I try to comfort him he'll end up crying harder and louder.
I don't understand him.

So here I am typing away.

If you get any invites to anything, forward to me.
People didn't mind extra people tagging along before.
They shouldn't mind them, now should they?

(And if they do, their fucking problem.)

I think I need to get away for a few days. Because I sure can't ask to go anywhere on my own and expect to get a yes for a bit.

I am NOT listening to that string of repetition again. I refuse.

(End note: You have absolutely no right to comment on my lauguage. I will say what I want to. Not my problem. Yours. Say to me, must then say to other people too. No point in that.)

People are mental

2008-07-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

Some guy tried to mow his lawn but his lawnmower wasn't starting. And so he shot it.

Horrified

2008-07-24T19:39:00.000-07:00

Did you know that coffee cake does not taste like coffee?
Why call it coffee cake then?

I had a appointment yesterday.
And it was confirmed that I actually am short (and light too).
35th percentile in height.
What the hell.That's depressing.

Oh and I got a x-ray. Apparently my spine is curving a bit to the right in the center. As in to the side. That made me feel tilted.
(No. It's not really not a major problem aside from that that's probably another inch I could have had. Oh the horror.)

Bleh. Now I have an actual reason to sit up straight and it's not a pretty one. But it should straighten itself out over time as long I don't slouch again.

Parents: "We thought you grew but apparently it was just your shoes!"

Heh heh. So it works.
*makes self milkshakes*

I hate it when people leave cereal boxes open. I don't like stale cereal lah!

I had chips and candy for lunch today because we were going to watch a movie and they don't allow food in the "theater" so all the food had to be smuggle-able.

The movie was very silly.

I like sushi

2008-07-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Remember that fact. That way if you ever need to buy me lunch for whatever reason, you'll know what to do.

We watched The Dark Knight today. It was actually pretty good.
Some scenes felt really disconnected though and some did not make sense. Such as the one where that commissioner guy got killed and came back to life. What happened there?
And the attorney guy suddenly turned evil after that one philosophical conversation. How very odd. I guess he was supposed to be easily persuaded?
The explosions were very amusing. I like explosions (If only they didn't look so edited. Oh well.)
It had a nice plot. It worked really well. And it was pretty unpredictable. Really. And it wasn't cliche which was very happy. (Well "good" people turning "evil" is actually a cliche but it's not very overused so that's okay.)
I like the ending music. La la la.
(Haha. Batman doesn't fly. He just falls very impressively.)

The people in Gotham or whatever it's called are very silly. You'd think they'd all have moved. But for the sake of the movie, I guess they have to be... resticted?

This is coming from your future movie critic. Someday I will be taking bribes to change my comments of "complete and utter crap" to just plain "crap." See, I wouldn't be bending the truth that much so I wouldn't lose credibility and I would get money off it. Because the less a movie critic says about how bad the movie is, the less it must suck. Yay me!

Well, I can dream, can't I?
("What is with your system? You haven't made a single POSITIVE comment since you entered into this! Hopeless, lah! You're murdering our profits with your seemingly self-plagiarizing reviews! What do you mean they are ALL cliche? Oh and by the way, the directors all hate you.")

I smuggled a bag of candy into the theater. Candy at the sweet shop is very expensive. I filled up a bag one-sixth of the way with odds and ends. It totaled about 15 bucks. There was no way I was going to pay that much so I had to fish out the pieces of candy and put some back where they belonged. Very tedious lah.
So in the end. I had about one-tenth of the bag filled and it cost me 5 bucks. Better, but I still feel very ripped off.

I decided that if people ever piss me off very badly and want to make it up to me later by buying me candy, I will send them to the sweet shop to fetch me full bag of candy each. And so I will make them broke and satisfy my would be need for revenge. I have such brilliant plans.

I did not have a lot of candy. I ate half of it during the previews and I was attempting to eat slowly. Miraculously, the rest of the candy lasted the whole movie.

I like cheesecake.

Oh no!

2008-07-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

I'm short. I'm short. I'm short.
You want to know how I decided on that (aside from being told repeatedly by abnormally taller people)?
Some people who used to be shorter than me are now taller than me! Not suppose to happen lah!

I must grow four more inches! And then I shall be happy with my height!

Well, I supposedly still look like a little kid. Even though I don't.

Aunt: What? You're fourteen? You're going to be driving soon! You don't look any older! You still look twelve!

So hopefully it's not too late for me to grow more. Until then, I shall cheat and wear my elevated shoes which add about two inches. Wahahahahahaha!

*Stuffs self with calcium pills*
OM NOM NOM NOM

[Edit 7/17/08: Exercise is supposed to help people grow. So yesterday I went and did 55 push-ups (Not consecutive. There is absolutely no way I can do that many properly at one time. >_>). And then I got into a punch war with this kid because he called me short. So now I feel sore. I punch hard.]

-------

Summer classes are annoying me. I am being forced to purge out what three years of LA/SS classes have hammered into my head. So far, I'm pretty unsuccessful so I think my grade is dying pitifully. It's not my fault it's so difficult to seperate from hardwired things!
I am so going to die.

Next year for me has been dubbed "academic hell" thanks to this person in my class who is a source of free entertainment. Well, I did survive three years of PRISM and this is just a step up...

If you happen to have a cure for procrastination somewhere, hand it over. Now.
From what I've gathered, as long as I murder my desire to procrastinate heforehand, I won't have to worry.

Good things about TS:
~I won't have to run miles in PE! Wahahahahaha!
*sits down and watches as everyone else goes around and around and around*
~After I take the PSAT and (hopefully) do well, I won't have to worry about any other standardized tests! (Pfffft. The only thing I seem to be able to do "well enough" [aka happy-looking scores] on the SAT is the math and the essay so for me, that's a [very] good thing.)
Supposedly, according to the studies of brains and gender, my brain is wired backwards. Don't I feel special.
~It'll look nice on college applications.
~Less years of school means more time to make money. Money money money!
~The bus fare is cheaper than the gas it takes to drive to high school.
~Because I'm going, I get a laptop. And will eventually get a router for portable wireless. (Yeah. I like material stuff. Go ahead and call me selfish. I have a laptop.)
~Nice long lunch when you can play games on the computer and poke other people.
~Ten minute breaks between classes. Don't have to move around much either.
~Only core classes. Days finish pretty early on some days so I can visit people and wave at them through the windows just to spite them.
~No class rank. No competition. No forced obssession (caused by other people's incessant questioning) over my grades.
("I got a something! That's right. Now go away.")
Also grades supposedly don't matter (must confirm) so I can be lazy but I probably shouldn't.

Bad things:
~"Academic hell"
~Wah! I'm gonna miss you all! (But don't mob me. I did say I would visit when I can. But I really can't visit NP.)
~The breaks are different. That means... inevitable scheduling conflicts. I don't want to miss out on things!
~Well, no high school life for me.
Supposedly TS is like high school squished into one year. Which means four times the drama.
("Don't be suprised if there are people getting together and breaking up in the same week.")
Haha. Should be amusing. I'm going to sit back and watch. ("Wah! Still a sadist lah!)
~The horror procrastination will create. I shall break the habit! Hehheh. Try.
~Wah! I'm going to be very "out-of-the-loop"!
~Food there is very very very very expensive. Candy is cheap on Friday though.
*fills self up with with chips and candy*
Apparently, a girl looks unfit if she eats a lot. Rawr to double standards. I'll eat what I want to lah. Just like how I ate candy, popcorn, carrots, nuts, ice, and chewed gum when I had braces. Ha. *eats more chips to prove point*
~Why must caffinated substances be expensive too?
~Haha. I won't have to admit that I have not-so-great vision (Refer to the tale of my last check-up a year ago). Well, at least I don't crash into walls (actually, I did but that was due to my clumsiness. Why don't YOU try walking around in the dark and in heels?)
~"Academic hell" (I must remind myself.)

Yeah. Another thing. School for me won't start until the 25th or something.
That means I can visit and wave at people through the windows and laugh at them since I don't have classes yet. (However, I don't think I can convince parents to let me visit NP too. So give me a reason once in a while. [invites are good])

I'll still be doing the newspaper thing and fps.
(I'll definitely be having a problem with fps though. The state thing is over a freaking break! *shoves self back into the present*)

My parents thought that since I was registered for IL, I should go and have two weeks of classes there.
I said, "Hell no!" Just not in those exactly words.
Kapish! I really don't need the admins behind me wondering why I mysteriously disappeared with a bunch of zeroes on my record. (Because if I was forced to do that, I would refuse to do the homework. No point.)

Road/Camping Trip

2008-07-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

I said I would have pictures from my trip didn’t I?
So here they are. Over seventy of them.

We started off down on the 22nd. I really hate waking up early. This was no exception.
We didn’t go down to Oregon the first day. We were going to Long Beach first.

The ride there was tedious. It would have been about ten times worst had we been going to L.A. but still, it was very tedious. There are only so many times you can feign excitement (Holy crap! It’s a freaking tree! Holy crap! The freeway goes on forever!) before it murders you brain.

Also we had to use the backseat for luggage as well so I couldn’t lay down and sleep. I am just too specialized to sleep sitting up.

We finally reached Long Beach in the afternoon around two.
We parked pretty close to the beach and began walking down.

Here’s the bridge along the coast.

Artistic shot with a plant.

The sand was pretty. And there was not lot of people there so you can see the ripples everywhere. I got sand in my camera from taking this one.

I did not take this picture. I think you might know why.

Shot of the ocean. It’s very shiny. The sand close to it was littered with dead crab parts though.

There were a lot of seagulls there. Whenever I tried to get closer to one, it would fly away from me. That made me feel unwanted.

Shot of the hill we came down. I like weather like this. Sun with plenty of cloud cover and not scorching hot temperatures.

They offer horse rides here. We didn’t go though. They were very expensive.

There was a very adorable dog sleeping by the steps. Doesn’t it look like a fox?

We drove down further to our campground. It was located in a place called Cape Disappointment Park. How depressing. People have naming issues? Why use such a negative name for a place with campgrounds?

This was our campground. Very plain.

With a tent.

We had dinner on the picnic table. Yay for portable stoves!

There was a raccoon that kept coming out and peeking at us while we were eating. We felt bad for it (it must have been hungry, right?) so we gave it some left over noodles. They will eat anything.

It took some noodles and went into the bushes to eat.

Turns out it was pretty fat to begin with and we didn’t need to feed it.

After dinner, we went to the beach next to the grounds. It’s called Benson beach.

There was a piece of wood with squiggly things and shells on it. Yeah. They were alive.

Silhouette shot.

Sunsets make everything look shiny.

Reflections.

There was an abandoned boat hidden (not) behind piles of driftwood.

Must take close up. Not exactly exciting huh.

We spent the night camping. Too bad we didn’t bring any marshmallows.

It turned out that feeding the raccoon wasn’t a good idea after all. Unfortunately, I forgot to clear the table before we went to take a look at the beach. It stole all out grapes and made off with three eggs. It went through out garbage too. Oh the horror.

I barely slept at all that night. It was very infuriating. How can people sleep when the people next to them are snoring? It was very loud.
I had no idea five-year-olds could snore too. (I ended up poking him repeatedly to make him stop and failing at that).

And so I was in a very pitiful mood by morning. Watching the sky change from dark to blue to OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY BRIGHT is really dull. Especially since it takes hours to happen.

We went down to Seaside that day.

There were a lot more people here than there were at Long Beach.

Doesn’t that look like a fat white mushroom? (Use your imagination. Sheesh!)

The waves came in pretty fast. And they made the sand very muddy and sticky which made walking around in flip flops an annoyance. But if I went barefoot I would have one more thing to carry, wouldn’t I.

The sand here was littered with dead crabs too. I learned that sea sponges and sand dollars are very fragile. From breaking a few already broken ones. On accident.

Starfish lights.

There was an indoor carousel in the town.

Oh look. It’s a bunny!

We couldn’t find any suitable grounds here so we stayed at a hotel.

Supposedly, sleeping on your side ensures that you won’t snore.
What a myth!
I didn’t sleep that night either.

We headed further down toward Canaan the next day.
We took a stop at a view point. Arcadia beach.

It was very foggy and cloudy.

Oh look. There’s a cave in that rock.

We drove down to the actual beach because I wanted to see what was inside the cave. Well, it would beat sitting around in a car the entire time.

I was such a genius, I got out of the car in flip flops.
Psh. You wear flip flops to the beach, don’t you? This IS a beach. Just a slightly rockier, colder, more coastal like beach.

People live here! I should get a place here too!

A place that hasn’t collapsed anyway.

Failed attempt at seemingly artistic shot on a rocky beach.

It’s the cave.

Must get closer.

Rocks before the entrance.

Looks like I wasn’t alone down here after all. I sort of ditched everyone when I went for the cave. They caught up. Eventually.

Wearing flip flops was a very bad idea.

There were bunches of sea stars inside the cave.

Close up.

On the other side of the cave are water and a few rocks. How anticlimactic.

There were mussels and barnacles all over the rocks. My mom wanted to take some mussels back. We didn’t though. And when we went back up we noticed a sign that said that all the mussels were contaminated. Good call.

Seagull on a rock. Haha.

Pointy rock formations and murky water. If the fog was thicker and extended further, I could have gotten a nice ominous picture. But no.

And then we had to walk all the way back up and continue driving. What a bore.

Nehalem beach from a view.

Let’s actually go to the beach. We did, after eating lunch at two.

It still looks cloudy. And it was very windy.

Well now it’s getting better.

They offer horse rides here too. Which were also very expensive. Not that I could really expect anything else.

I thought this was a pretty decent shot. And the weather cleared up.

Heading back.

We went back to Arcadia beach. The other side.

The tide had gotten really high.

Which meant I couldn’t walk anywhere anymore without getting soaked.

I was running out of picture subjects.

It looks like a fish, a blob, and a wall. Seriously.

Cloudy ominous afternoon piccy.

Oh no. The cave is flooded. (Note the lack of exclamation points.)

After this we went to Canaan beach.

It’s an unattended campfire! If sand actually burned, we might have had something interesting here! But no! Why isn’t everything flammable?

Distance shots.

Well, I was pretty bored/sick/tired of beaches by this point. So I took a random picture.

Why did I put a buttercup in the picture?
Because daisies are overrated.
And because they’re shiny and I like shiny things.

We stayed another night at the hotel and headed home the next morning.
I ate lunch and slept until five.

Oh hi! Did you miss me?

I’ll take that as a yes.

-------------

I’m doing Summer Stretch at the UW a.k.a. dull summer classes.
Well, they have been more interesting than last year. Which is a good thing.
And I get to see people.

But almost nobody has the same lunch times anymore which makes it pretty dull.
And the bus rides there and back are very boring. I swear. There is absolutely nothing to do on the bus. All the reason to drag along the laptop. (Too bad I don’t have a router. Then I might be able to actually do something.)

Someone please bring me some movies to watch?

I wonder how I kept from getting bored last year…
The people in my class make me feel short.

I like apple sauce.

FPS pictures

2008-06-27T18:11:00.000-07:00

I said I would post these (a few of the pictures I took at fps).
So here they are:

Big giant group piccy. Minus me. Because someone had to take it.

Volleyball.

Tireswing.

This one was just scary. Haha.

Very awesome piccy.

Another very awesome piccy.

Bench piccy! It's a bit blurry. I didn't take it.

Oh no!

So it ended

2008-06-22T18:16:00.000-07:00

[Edit 6/26/08:

Kapish to all you non-techy people. The ram is NOT the same as the memory. If it was, well I guess that would mean my USB (which is 4GB) has more memory than a majority of laptops on the market. That would not make sense at all, would it? It's basically the amount of processes... activities... stuff the computer can handle at a time. Or how fast it can operate... do stuff such as downloading videos. 2GB is better than my desktop so that's actually pretty decent... by my standards anyway. Maybe I've just gotten used to lag. For your information, the hard drive has a memory of 160GB. I would completely refuse to own a computer with less memory than my 30 times my USB.

I shall stop being patronizing now. Trip back home really murdered my mood.]

We graduated. We’ll be splitting up for high school. At least the rest of you.

I was supposed to be on a road trip to California. In fact, I was supposed to be there two days ago. But I happen to be still at home typing.

Well, we decided that a road trip all the way down to L.A. would be very bothersome. I said that before several times. I feel very agreed with. I dislike road trips.

Which is why I am still at home. Which meant that I could have done the 24 hour relay. Oh well.

So instead of taking a long gigantic road trip down to California, we’re planning to just go down to Oregon instead. And we’re going to go camping.

Well. Half the distance. Half the length. Tent instead of hotel room. I guess that’s a fair trade.

Anyway, I got a laptop. Did I mention that I got a laptop? Well, I got a laptop. Oh yes. And another thing: I got a laptop.

I’m typing this post on it right now. It’s very pretty except it has a load of junk and “free trials” on it at the moment which are causing lag.

So I’ll have to do a bunch of deletion and have someone upgrade my ram. 2gb better not be the max.

But… I got a laptop!

I’ll be leaving tomorrow. Bleh.
I should be back by Thursday though.
With pictures.

It’s deletion time.

Graduation

2008-06-17T22:20:00.000-07:00

We’re all going to graduate in two days.

*sniffles*
Why did I have to catch I cold now?
Seriously, who catches colds during the summer?
Me.

We had Prism graduation today!
It was fun…
But very short and rushed.

*Goes off on strings of complaints about it being short*
*Told to be grateful and not be selfish*
*Continues going on as if nothing happened*

My pictures didn’t make it onto the slide show!
Maybe I’ll post them here.
Sometime.
They were awesome pictures.

I don’t want to leave.
I remember two years ago, everyone was crying during graduation.
I stood outside and ate the rest of the food.

I remember thinking,
“What’s the point of crying? Aren’t we all supposed to move forward?”
Yes. We’re supposed to.
But I don’t want to leave.

I’ll come back and visit.

I just wish I had decided to live in the present instead of the future.
Oh well.

We shall enjoy what we have left.
I'm going to miss everyone.
You better not forget me
(or else you'll start a vicious cycle of punching and losing brain cells).

Bleh

2008-06-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

Instant noodles taste disgusting.
Do not contradict me.

Lizzy the useless overlord

2008-06-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

(A very sarcastic and exaggerated story. Yes. the plot is a bit rushed. No, I am not actually like this. Yes, I actually do have better things to do than hammer out stories.)

Once Lizzy arrived at a new island somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. That’s where everything exists these days—somewhere surrounded by water.

Lizzy was given a mission: she was to blend in with the inhabitants and survive her job in the workforce. Only afterwards could she leave and report back her learnings—or forget-ings. Of course Lizzy would not be paid for such an endeavor, which was a pity. But she had no choice in the matter.

She was given her supplies and sent off the next day.

--------

Lizzy arrives on the coast tired. She noticed people pouring into the same building and decided to follow the crowd into this place they named “school.” She watched as the crowd of people spread out and walked in circular motions around and around before emptying into a few selected doors at the edges of the corridor.

Lizzy fiddled with her memory. She had been told of which rooms to enter and given the blueprint of the building a few days previous. It wasn’t exactly difficult to remember but still, Lizzy felt unsure. Her mission was to blend in and act as a conformist and she was not doing a great job of it by standing to the side and watching the mob pass her by.

She would conform, she decided. She took a step in and went with the highway.

--------

Work. Lizzy despised the word and the action as well. Such was what she was given to do day after day the night after her five day a week visits to the building.

Not liking her tasks, she would set them aside until she absolutely had to complete them. But of course she would be reminded of her objective and feel guilty. She glared at her pile of paperwork. She would work on it later—after she finished up the level of yet another web game.

Days passed. The individual room occupation times or “classes” as they were called dragged on and on. It made Lizzy ill.
However, she eventually got used to it, given that she remembered to prepare herself a caffeinated drink every morning. She forgot the occasional day which resulted in numerous three minute naps during the day.

--------

Weeks passed. Lizzy was tired of being like the others—so used to their work that they complained less than she did. Lemmings, all of them, she thought. None of this brain hammering will assist me once I leave. Why did they want me to come here of all places? I could be learning how to build a little nation of my own and rule over it.

That was when the idea struck her. Why must she adhere to the odd working customs of these people? Why must she be one of them? She was different, was she not?
And so Lizzy ambitiously thought.
Screw conformity. Screw order. With all the lemmings working alongside her in every time unit, she could easily get a start on her ruling career.

That night, Lizzy gleefully laid out her plans. She would gather up the people she knew the most. The ones she was closest too. She would appoint the more mind endowed people as her advisors. After all, every ruler needs advisors for the times they are too lazy to come up with plans of their own. And, she declared, the lesser endowed would take part below her advisors, perhaps as her personal workforce. After all, all of them were capable of following commands. She would put that ability to good use.

And the rest of the people? Lizzy decided that she would recruit them later when her influence became broader and stick them where they belonged.

--------

And so Lizzy began building her little world within the world of knowledge stuffing. Her plan began taking shape exceedingly fast. Even Lizzy was surprised at how easily the people were willing to come to her aid. Her advisors would help her finish up her awful paperwork which was convenient but not convenient enough. Lizzy wished they would actually do all her tasks for her but somehow she knew that such a request was hopeless.

She had people fetch her things and toss them away for her. She had people carry her luggage around for her. She had people clean off her work space for her. And she had people she would scream at for the sake of screaming.

They brought her candy. They brought her coffee. They brought her bunnies. And they brought her sharpies so she could doodle during her classes.

So far so good, she thought.

Of course all the power she had was well-deserved. She did after all assist those under her with their problems. Or at least she tried before declaring such an issue too bothersome to address. And of course she would be showered with more gifts for her self sacrificing efforts.

After all, it took a lot of effort to strain her mind until she had a plan, locate a piece of paper and pencil and carve her ideas onto the sheet. Of course she could have just asked her advisors to bring her the supplies and brainstorm an idea for her.

Oh right. That actually was what she did. But of course her advisors were so loyal, they let Lizzy take their plans as their own.

They knew that should Lizzy ever fail to take her spot above them as the hegemony, they would all fall apart and be once again brainwashed into stuffing their brains with more useless knowledge. Such was not a desired fate.

And so they let Lizzy have her ways.

--------

Unfortunately, not everyone was able to see the good in what Lizzy was doing. They thought she was a horrible person for taking advantage of her advisors’ kindness.

But isn’t that the purpose of having advisors in the first place? How purpose defeating! Lizzy was giving the people a purpose in life. What right had her enemies to try to persuade her people otherwise.

And so Lizzy shunned such people of even suggesting that her ways were unkind. She was doing the people a favor. Why could they not see her rule as so.?

They persisted and bugged her to no end. Lizzy ordered a few selected people from her workforce to throw out such nuisances. Lizzy was not to be bothered with such opposition.

--------

Eventually, Lizzy got sick of the idle state of her rule. Nothing was ever different. She would help the people and they would give her stuff in return. Soon the stuff she received was less grand and lacked the original splendor of her initial gifts. She got yet another box of sharpies.

Lizzy wondered why. She marched up to the offenders and demanded they tell her why their offerings were lacking in value, quantity, and thoughtfulness. They told her she had been less and less helpful to them.

“That’s it?” snapped Lizzy. She had her guards throw them out for being ungrateful. See how they survive without her directing their actions.

Unfortunately, their condition never got worse over time. They still had everything they needed. And so Lizzy began to lose her great charisma.

The advisors began getting more distant. They took longer to fetch her her items. They twitched and squirmed in discontent when she ranted at them. They even took an entire minute longer to address her calls.

This irked Lizzy. With her advisors running around slower, her common people too were less enthusiastic in following her commands (“Do as I say! Why are you still standing there? Go go go!).

And so Lizzy was distraught.
She asked her advisors why they were less complaint to her orders.

They replied, “You aren’t doing anything anymore.”

Lizzy only sat back down on her throne and dismissed them. They were right. All she had been doing was sitting in her throne, pacing back and forth, eating the cookies she was brought, giving orders, and keeping her people in order.

Actually, that was all very had work.

--------

Months passed and Lizzy’s power weakened further. Her advisors came up to her.

“Please do something. If you can no longer ease our problems, we will have to leave.”

“Oh well guess what? I actually did something today.”

There was a gasp.

“What did you do?

“I actually got up and walked all the way over to the kitchen and got myself a cookie. That’s one less cookie you’ll all have to bring me. A great benefit huh?”

Fortunately for Lizzy, at that very moment, a ship halted at the coast. Lizzy’s mission was over. It was time for her to leave.

Needless to say, the people were not happy to see her go.

I shall not get mobbed

2008-06-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

*runs*

What the duck

2008-06-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

Oh guess what? I learned something new on Friday.
Apparently I was made a department head of yearbook in February.
(Someone please confirm.)

And I had absolutely no idea until Friday.

So.
You said I was made head of digital art (Holy crap. I didn’t know that even existed.) after I made the bubbles picture for the title page.
Which apparently was so awesome that everyone decided that I should be made a head. Great.
If only I had known.

You said I had an account of my own on I could use to edit the yearbook.
If only I had known.

So.
You mean to tell me that I could have been less useless.
I could have done layout. I could have gone grammar nazi on the captions.
And I could have prevented this:
http://weirdishstuffz.blogspot.com/2008/02/ka-pish.html

My wasted effort from going to waste in the first place.
If only I had known.

But I did not. No one told me. NO ONE. Do I make myself clear?
This is the part where you nod and say, “Yes, Lizzy. I know exactly what you mean.”

I wouldn’t have minded. It’s in the past. I didn’t know.

What irks me was that you insisted that you told me.
No.

How many times have I asked, “Is there a meeting today?”
Only to have you reply, “Department heads only.”
To which I would say, “Okay! I can go home then!”?

Plenty. You never said anything after that. I left.

And how many times have I asked, “Can I stay and do something?”
whenever I couldn’t go home?

Plenty. And you never said anything along the lines of “Why are you even asking? You’re a head too!”

Instead, I always got a, “Sure. I’m sure they’ll let you.”

How many times have I said, “I’m not a department head.” and never contradicted?

Plenty.

Would I have done that if I had known? If someone had told me?
Hell no. I would have just gone to every freaking meeting instead of asking around like a lost puppy.

Yet, you insisted that you told me.
You did not.

You insisted that if you didn’t someone else would have told me.
No one did.

You insisted that I might have forgotten that I’ve been told.
I think I would remember such things thank you very much.

You insisted that if I didn’t know I should have asked?
And how would I have ever come to that conclusion?
Positions were already assigned at the beginning. I did not apply for one.
Also, they were fixed.

You brought up that yours was shifted because you chose to do more work.
Good for you then. Special aren’t you?

I did the exactly opposite. I barely did any work. All I did was take two pictures, deleted a few unworthy pictures, laughed at people’s captions, and took wasted effort on photoshop.

Yeah. I did so much I was promoted.
/sarcasm

It does not make sense at all. I was not like you.
You said I was made a head before that. First off, I missed all the meetings. Secondly, wouldn’t I have been demoted for doing next to nothing?

You still insisted.
I gave up on you.

You said we should forget we ever had our… disagreement.
I refused.

Sad thing is… it wasn’t a one time occurrence.
Which is why I’m choosing not to brush it off.

And the moral of this?

Never argue with anyone with a faulty memory.

They will insist they remember events that never happened and rely on that “memory.”
They will not acknowledge that they could ever possibly be wrong.

You will never get them to see your side.
They don’t remember what you remember.
They don’t remember what actually happened.

All time spent arguing is wasted effort.
Don’t bother trying to explain yourself.
Complete waste of time.

And after that I got to edit an essay that was already turned in.

But just so I can get one thing through, that essay SUCKED.
I cannot believe you turned THAT in.
I would have told you to REWRITE the WHOLE thing but you already turned it in.

I pity you.
Please get more sleep. I think that might be causing your issues.

And let's pretend I made a typo in the title. The two letters are right next to each other on the keyboard anyway.

Hell yeah

2008-05-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

I actually did a mile under nine minutes. That made me happy.

Except I was breathing really hard on the last lap and people were staring at me with a look that said I think you should slow down. Seriously, slow down.

Well, I didn't. And I passed them. I think they thought I was mental. But that's okay. I got a better time than them.

Today, I got a watermelon. The sign on the bin said that they were seedless. And a warning underneath that they may contain the "occasional seed." That was understandable. We can't expect watermelons to be perfect.

So I thought, Yay. Seedless watermelons. That means I won't have to take the effort to pick out the seeds. (If I have the time to pick out the seeds, I do.) We should get a watermelon.

And so we bought a watermelon and took it home to chop up and devour because that's what normal people do with watermelons and sometimes it's nice to be a conformist.

So we cut open the watermelon.

Liars.

There has got to be at least a hundred seeds in there. I wouldn't call that occasional.

Oh and we served ice cream to people today. I got to pour strawberry syrup.
And this kid ran from me because he was afraid I'd dump the whole thing on his ice cream...
Because that's what I did with the sugar on the sopapillas during the culture thing. It was snowing.

Yay.

A big headache

2008-05-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

I swear. I am never (I hope) staying up past one in the morning again.
Bleh.

It creates a vicious cycle of being unproductive the next day and having to stay up later that day to make up that day, the same thing for the next day and so on until I have to pull an all-nighter. Of course that would lead to me crashing and punching everything in my way the next day because that's what I do when I am severely sleep deprived. Beware.

Of course this can be all avoided if
~I refuse to additional work and sleep a lot of the next day.
~Someone brings me coffee the first day.
~I get myself sent home for some sleep deprivation related illness.
~I miraculously survive without crashing the first day.

Of course this will inevitably happen again and again and again.
Too bad I'm not allowed to sleep past ten on the weekends.

On the other note, little kids have some of the most obnoxious singing voices..
And they come up with some of the stupidest lyrics. Well, not the stupidest since they sometimes make some sense.

My brother came down and began running around yelling random sounds. So being the oh so nice person I am, I threw a pillow at him. It bounced off his head.

Too bad that didn't make it any better. He began running around singing,
"Pillow fight! I died! Pillow fight! I died!"

I bashed my head on the desk. I threw another pillow at him.

"Wah! My heart is broken!"

I decided he's been watching too much TV.

He is a very odd little kid. He doesn't like watching cartoons. So whenever I'm watching my awesome cartoons, he changes the channel to something else. Like the news which he can't understand anyway.
And this would lead to me throwing more pillows at him.

So goes the cycle of throwing pillows.
It's great, isn't it?

On the unrelated note, I had another odd dream.
It had a seemingly normal beginning like all the rest of my dreams.
I went to school and went to all my classes. Very normal and boring.

Then I got to LA/SS. We had a test. and the test did not make sense at all. It had random symbols all over it.
Well fortunately, no one else could understand the random symbols at all either. So a few selected people began complaining.
I began complaining too.

Then it became quiet, except for me since I was complaining. And I didn't notice a thing.

The room shifted. I was suddenly at the front of the room. For some reason I couldn't get myself to stop complaining. so I continued.

Until the people at the front desk, including the teacher, screamed at me,

"OH MY GOD! SHUT UP!"

So I did and went into shock.Basically, I froze and couldn't move at all.
It was horrible.

Must mix everything together

2008-05-18T18:18:00.000-07:00

Whoever thought mixing milk and orange juice together would taste good should be shot.

Okay. Maybe it was my own fault for wanting a milkshake and not having any other fruit in the house besides oranges. Because, for me, all milkshakes must have fruit in them.
(The idea of eating preservatives and artificial crap all day is not exactly appetizing.)

And maybe it was my own fault for remembering someone's idea of making an orange milkshake.
Well, it was pretty disgusting. But I had to finish it because if I didn't, I would have wasted a glass of milk and an orange (and some ice cream I added in in an attempt to un-disgustify it).

Also, do you have any idea how much effort it takes to locate the milk, orange, and ice cream, get out the blender and plug it in, stuff everything in the blender, put the lid on, hit one of the many buttons, hold it for thirty seconds, unplug the blender, take off the lid, find a glass, set it on the counter, and actually pour the mixture into it?

Very time consuming lah!

(Because every five minutes of my life matters a lot.)

Well today, I had cereal and no milk. But I had yogurt. And someone somewhere thought that combining the two would be an awesome idea. And I just happened to be unfortunate enough to read it and have the two ingredients in front of me.

And so I poured the cereal into a bowl and dumped the yogurt on top.

It didn't taste good. It wasn't entirely revolting either though since I finished it. But it came close. Very close.

Blehhhhh.

So. To whoever came up with those:

YOU ARE NEVER. EVER. GONNA MAKE BREAKFAST FOR ME.

Yea. I should just stick with making my oddly-shaped pancakes with peanut butter because everything tastes good with peanut butter.

Why didn't I just add peanut butter to those mixtures?

Oh right, We're out.

Well, for lunch, we had noodles. I found a bug in my soup.
And so like what most people would do, I removed it.
And also like what most people would do, well, what do you do when you find a bug in your food?

Me: There was a bug in my soup.

Parents: That's not a bug. It's a piece of the meat.

Me: It has legs.

Parents: It's just part of the beef.

Me: It has wings too.

Parents: You have to look at it closely to tell. It's just a piece of meat.

Me: *chucks into trash can*

Well, I wasn't going to take any chances with something that had legs and wings.

Such a boring story

2008-05-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

This entire year, I felt pretty detached from everyone. I felt like my entire life is a story-- a very day by day repetitive story I somehow got thrown into.

It's a story where events are based on reliability and chance. It's a story where such events do not seem to affect me directly.

I feel like a flat character. One of the people in the background who does things but is not significant enough to make much of a difference farther away from the scenery.

Sure there is some character development:
The usual

~Nice and tolerant to mean and intolerant to a mixture of the two.
~Stable and controlled to multiple alter egos that fight for dominance and cause instability.
~Ordinary to Unordinarily semi-awesome to ordinary once again with hopes of someday being awesome instead of semi-awesome.
~Little influence to more influence to lost of direct influence.
~Happy in lala land to you made me furious so I will beat you up to I will be happy when I feel happy.
~Helpful and willing to do work to give and take to I did help so you better not call me useless to if you can do it yourself, I will sit back and watch you.

So basically, my personality got worst over time. How pitiful.
Or maybe that's just me and my "negativity."

I was never "positive" to begin with. Ever. I hated those optimists who had seemingly perfectly content happy lives but only because of their mindset. I just really despised people to would not acknowledge that not everything in the world was "happy."

Sometimes, I felt left out, like I was shoved to the side. Maybe that was my own doing, I chose to watch, not participate, I chose to stand at the sides and let the people around me entertain me.

I don't know. Maybe someday I'll look back and wonder why I was rarely in any group pictures before realizing that I was the photographer. That's still pretty depressing.

Sometimes, when I see people, the first thing that comes to mind is
"What the hell happened to you? You were different back then. You were better. Sure you were hopelessly naive but you were better back then."

Hmmph. Apparently, I can say the same for myself.

I'm not expected to do much anymore.
Not expected to help out a lot anymore.
Not exactly expected to be nice anymore either which is the most depressing of all.

"Oh my god! You said 'Thank you!'"
"Oh my god! You said 'Sorry!'"
"You should have expected her to not say them by now."

[Edit: They're my friends. Not jerks thank you very much. Or else this wouldn't have been mentioned.]

Well oh my god!
You either
~Have a horrible memory and only remember how I rant and criticize things.
~Haven't seen me that much and only know about how I rant about things.
~Say that to everyone
~Somehow got the impression that I am out to build a massive army for my own purposes and kick out everyone in my path.
~Think I am a horribly mean person because you somehow managed to piss me off once.

Thank you. Now I totally know how people see me. Now go frolic and continue with your happy happy lives while I sit around being lazy shoving my little minions around because I absolutely do not appreciate anything they do for me. Because apparently they do a lot of work while I watch them suffer.
Well, I think everything's evened out. I worked and suffered with some dead weights behind me and now other people get to work and suffer with me behind them. It's totally fair!

/sarcasm

Well, once you have made an impression, you can't exactly change it.
Too bad. I'd like to know what would have happened if I had not insisted that people not walk all over me.
(Which by the way ended up with me walking all over them. Want something. Get something. I overdid that.)

I just wish my part wasn't so flat and ridiculously filled with selfishness.
This will be what I will be remembered for. How infuriating.

*gets out a screwdriver and attempts to tinker with time*
"I shall be nicer. I shall be nicer."

Pity

2008-05-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

If you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about and think I've gone mental, I'll give you the link to the article.

Pity.
Some people simply do not deserve it. From anyone. I dare you to contradict me.

The news is a constant reminder that while we're all living in our own happy pods of ignorance, there are people in this world who deserve to die. What they've done to others is just simply unforgivable. For that they deserve nothing short of death.

No. scratch that. Death is too good for these pathetic excuses for humans. They are the lowest of the low.
Their victims will never recover from the trauma.

They deserve to be subjected to most painful means of torture. I say they should paralyzed and either skinned alive and have their organs detached or have people saw away little by little their limbs until there is nothing left.
Of course, they will be kept awake during the whole thing so they can experience the pain. And doctors will have to stand by to make sure they don't die too quickly from the loss of blood.

No. I'm not being morbid. I'm serious. In fact, they deserve worst that even that.

It's outrageous when they try to plead temporary insanity or crap like that.
Just piling it all on huh? Torture the victims in the worst possible way. Plead insanity when caught.

Lies.

Unfortunately, such scum do not get the sentence they deserve. A few years in prison. Too good for them.
The justice system is seriously screwed up. After all they did, that's the worst you can do? Pathetic.

If the law prevents you from being inhumane, fine. But screw the laws. Dish out the death sentence and rid the monsters from this world.

But no. People like you believe in reform. Must reform all criminals by making them serve "time" huh?
That's your method?

You. Are a complete idiot. Such people have gone beyond any chance of reform. Besides that, who in the right mind would try to reform a psychopath. Get rid of them. No one wants them back in society.
All they'll do is go back to their ways. More victims huh.

And you will take the blame. For being so damn stupid.

Why don't we throw you right in with them huh? See if you will still agree to do reformation after you get torn apart.

And there are people who even feel bad and take pity on them and proclaim that calling for severe punishment would make us no better. Screw you. Screw your so-called morality.

They would have had it coming. They completely deserve to be submitted to death. But the victims did nothing to deserve what happened to them. Why not take vengeance for them.

For even thinking these people deserve sympathy, you all deserve to be shot or punched until you get a concussion. Which ever is more convenient.

No. I'm not being narrow-minded thank you very much. Such things do not deserve any pity from us.

But in the end, pity seems to always win. Screw you.
I hope you're happy. All you're doing is making the victims suffer more.

You disgust me to no end.

6 word story

2008-04-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

Once I told an awesome story.

Point taken

2008-04-21T18:55:00.000-07:00

I had an oddly semi-realistic dream last night. Actually, all my dreams are semi-realistic. Video games are usually semi-realistic right? Well this one was not videogame-like.

I noticed a light switch in front of me in a dark room. I looked around. There was nothing but the light switch. At least I was not in another bright white room with no furniture, no doors, and no windows. Rooms with no exits make me claustrophobic.

I flipped the light switch. The room shifted. I found myself somewhere else.

It was a grassy field with pavement to the right. I chose to follow the pavement. It led me to a building. It looked oddly like my house. Apparently in all my dreams with buildings, there has to be something that resembles my house. But of course, I did not recognize this in my dream. I hate how my subconscious is seemingly split form my conscious.

I walked up to the house and a group of people greeted me. I waved back and asked where I was. They told me that they usually met there. I got the feeling that I knew these people. One of them introduced herself. She said her name was Chole.

I went with them as they explored the house. We walked around for a while before Chole told me to follow her down a flight of stairs. There I saw a few doors. The one in front of me said “Chole—happy.” The one to the right said “Chole—sad.” The one to the left said “Chole—angry.” And so they went on with content, furious, gloomy, pleased, etc.

“What is this place?” I asked.

“Welcome to my mind.” Chole replied.

I only stared at her. It somehow made sense—in the way all dreams make sense when you dream. But it made sense. Chole led me back up the steps saying that that would be the last of any mind I would see I only nodded. Of course people would not want their minds invaded. Minds were a nice big space for people to keep to themselves.

We met up with the other people again. Chole picked one from the group and introduced him.

“This is Ian.” (I was tempted to rename him Toidi because he later pissed me off but that name is overused.)

He waved. I waved back.

“We’re best friends.” He said. Chole nodded—slowly.

I followed the group as they went to a multicolored lake, a park with glassy trees, and a field with bunnies. There always has to be bunnies somewhere.
As we walked, I talked with them and got to know them.

Time passed. I have no idea how time works in dreams. But apparently a couple weeks passed. How it worked, I do not know but let’s just go with that.

I met the people back at the house. I noticed that most of the people were gone. I didn’t ask.

We walked to the living room. Then Chole spoke.

“He’s in that room. I don’t want him in there.”

“What room? The mind rooms?”

“No. Not those. He’s in that room at the end. It’s my favorite room here. He wasn’t supposed to enter it. It's my room and he won't leave.”

“Who?”

“You know who.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out. It was who she introduced to me a couple weeks ago.

“Why don’t you just tell him to leave?”

“I can’t.”

“Too nice for your own good, huh?”

“…”

“I’ll get him to leave.”

She nodded. I walked over to the room and opened the door. It was a bright white room. There was nothing in there but a chair in the center and Ian in it.

“Chole wants you to leave. It’s her room.”

“Point?”

“She wants you to leave.”

“Why should I?”

“Are you two mad at each other or something?”

“I’m not saying anything.”

“Well, she wants you to get out so I’m getting you out.”

“Why should I listen to you?”

“Chole is your friend. You said so yourself.”

“So?”

“Can you leave?”

“Why are you being nice? You’re never nice.”

“What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything against anyone here!”

“You’re never nice.”

“Please leave. You’re invading her personal space.”

“Oh my god! You said please!”

“Not funny. Please.”

“No.”

By this time, I was pretty frustrated. I did nothing against anyone in this dream world in the “weeks” I was there. Well, I do know that I was nice to the “people” there. And I don’t exactly react well to accusations in both conscious and subconscious.

And so I said the one thing that seems to work.

“If you don’t leave right now, I’ll beat you up.”

“Sure you will.”

“I’m serious.”

I stuck a fist a few inches from his nose. He got up and ran. This part was actually funny. He ran.

Chole was outside the door waiting for me.

“What did you do?”

She ran after him.

“Where’re you going? You said you wanted him to leave.”

I ran after her.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. She went down the stairs—the same stairs that led down to her mind. I followed.

“Chole! Wait up!”

I reached the hallway and looked around. The doors again. But this time, the labels were different. Ian—happy. Ian—angry. So it went. So I had entered another mind.

“Chole?”

Nobody answered. I picked a direction and ran down the hall. I reached a dead end. There was a single door at the very end. The only thing on it was a broken heart. I turned around to run back when I saw a shadow.

“Chole?”

“Why are you here? Get out of my mind.”

It wasn’t Chole.

Somehow, the door opened up and I got shoved inside. I don’t know. Maybe getting shoved inside odd looking doors at the end of hallways kills you because right after that…

I woke up.

And that was one of the oddest dreams I’ve ever had.

Stupid shadow thing. That wasn’t nice. Seriously. Stop killing me.

You may try to figure out what it all meant.

Random Conversations

2008-04-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

For your amusement.

Keys are Useful

Kid 1: Darn. Why is this door locked? Why is it locked? Who has the key?
Kid kicks and punches the door repeatedly.
Kid 2: Hi!
Kid 1: Oh! You're here! Tell me you have the key! Please tell me you have the key!
Kid 2: ... I have the key?
Kid 1: Finally! I've been waiting for so long! Give me the key! Give me the key!
Kid 2: I don't have the key.
Kid 1: What? You just said you had it!
Kid 2: Because you told me to.
Kid 1: ...

Cell Phone

I walk into my SAT class very tired and bored. There was one other person in the room.
Kid: Hi!
Me: Hi!
Kid: The deadline is this Tuesday... yadda yadda yadda
Turns out, he was talking on a cell phone.
Me: ...

Computer Games

Kid 1: Why did you just walk in there? You're gonna lose!
Kid 2: No I'm not.
Kid 1: Yeah you are. Look!
Kid 2: No. Watch.
Me: No. You're gonna die.
Kid 2: ...
Me: Bwahahahaha...
And right after that moment, he died.
Kid 1: ...
That's right. I'm psychic.

People sitting at the computer playing escape the room games.
Me: Are you all obsessed with those games?
Kid: No. It's just that she solved this one this morning and I didn't finish and that hurt my pride.
Me: ...Okay?
Kid: Yep.
Kid finishes game and moves on to the next one.
Me: Obsessed much?

Prank Calls

This one was pre-scripted. It had something to do with a pizza place.
Me: Yadda yadda yadda... and we're taking a survey. So what's your name?
Kid: Lizzy.
Me: That's nice... Wait. What?
Kid: Hi Lizzy.
Me: ...
Kid: ...
Me: ... I hate you.
Sometimes, I hate having a recognizable voice.

The generic prank call.
Kid: Hello?
Me: Hello. I know what you did last night.
Kid: Well, what did I do last night?
Me: You slept.
Kid: ...
Me: I know what you did this morning too.
Kid: ...
Me: You woke up and got out of bed.
Kid: ...
Me: Bet you're afraid of me now.
Kid: *hangs up*

IM

Kid: So who are you?
Me: I already told you. I am a clone.
Kid: I'm not convinced.
I explained more. Switching off between school days. Switching off homework. Slightly bipolar behavior.
You get the point.
Kid: So you really are a clone. Poor you.
Me: No. I was just kidding.
Kid: Oh. Hahaha.

Kid disturbed me while I was studying.
Kid: If you don't tell me who you are, I will annoy you.
Me: I don't care.
Kid got desperate and after a couple random attempts, got my name off someone else.
Kid: So you're Lizzy.
Me: Took you long enough.
Kid: Ok. I'm gonna work now.
Well, since my study time was cut short, I decided to get even.
Kid: STFU
Me: That's not nice. But anyway, go here: foimb.com. It has a nice message for you.
Kid never responded.

Kid: Do you have the notes?
Me: Yes. But I'm not giving them to you.
Kid gets whiny.
Me: Go ask someone else.
Kid gets more whiny.
Me: Go here: foimb.com. Maybe you'll find something useful.
Kid: Thank you!
A few seconds later.
Kid: I hate you.

See. If my status says I'm busy, I'm busy. The website turned out to be useful. Who knew?
No. It's not one of those sites where freaky things pop out with screams in the background.

Cookies:

Me: *takes out cookies*
Mob: COOKIES!!!
Me: ...
And so I lost half of my supply of wonderful delicious cookies.
Mob 2: COOKIES!!!
Me: No! Go away!
Mob begs for cookies. Apparently, a lot of people were desperate and cookie deprived that day.
And so I handed some to other people, just to spite them.
I'm so nice.

Little Kids:

Little brother: I wants spighishgetti.
Me: Nobody says it like that.
LB: It's okay Lizzy!
Me: ...hm?
LB: Yes-body says it like that!

Kid: Draw me a smilie face!
Me: Okay!
I draw a nice big smilie face.
Kid: No! You did it wrong!
Kid crosses out my beautiful one second sketch and draws a very demented blob thing.
Kid: That's how you do it!
Me: ...
Kid: Now you try!
I draw another one.
Kid: No! It's ugly!
And people wonder why I cannot stand them.
Psh. They have no sense of perception, those self absorbed little things.

Continuing on:

Kid: If you don't draw it right this time, I'll bite you!
Me: It's not nice to bite people.
Kid tried to bite me. I stick out a hand. Kid fails.
Me: It's not nice to bite people.
Kid attempts to steal my watch instead. Failed and tried ordering me around instead.
Kid: Get me a toy.
Me: You have feet. Walk over and get one yourself.
Kid tried biting me again.

See now why I really don't like those little infestations?

Stupidity

Kid cuts in line in front of me.
Me: Hey!
Kid: Respect your elders.
Me: Idiot! I'm older than you!

Kid: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Didn't give me much of a choice there, did you.
Kid: Okay. Fine. Can I ask you another question?
Me: ...
Kid: Wah. Forget it.

Kid: I'm bored. I will annoy you.
Later.
Kid: You're annoying.
If you can't get them to stop, beat them at their own game.

Kid: What's up?
Me: The ozone layer's up.
Kid: You're so literal. You took that from someone, didn't you?
Me: Hm? Who else said it?
Kid: Oh. That was.... oh wait. That was you.

Kid: Hi. What's your name?
Me: I don't feel like telling you.
Kid: What's your name?
Me: What did I just say?
Kid: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
This continued for a very long time.
Me: Why do you want to know?
Kid: What's your name?
Me: Is that the only thing you can say to me?
Kid: What's your name?
Me: You know what? I don't like you.
Kid: WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

Oh the horror.

Lizzy said hi

2008-04-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

I caught another cold. Great huh?
It's the oh I don't know. I lost count after the third or fifth one.
I think I will be okay by Wednesday though.

I went shoe shopping today even though I don't actually need another pair of shoes. My parents thought that I should have a pair for the summer. Yeah. Great. Really defeats the purpose of the flip flops I have.
Unfortunately, all the shoes that were deemed "appropriate for summer" had... elevated heels. The lowest I could find was an entire one inch.

What is it with people and heels?
(Well, if they're selling them in stores, I guess they're in demand. Maybe.)
Sure, they do make you taller. But they make your feet ache a lot afterwards. Temporary height increase for temporary foot pain. Not a fair trade.
The ones that are higher than two inches should be referred to as torture devices. Seriously. How can some people stand four inch heels. (Balance is not the issue.)

Once during the summer, I went to Disneyland. It was a warm day so my parents told me to not wear my sneakers.
The only other shoes I had with me had heels.
So I wore those. The lines were super long that day.
So not only did I have to stand in line for a long long time.
My feet got really really sore. And so I complained. A lot.
It was very pitiful.

Anyway, I refused to try on the shoes.
So my mom told me to go get a pair that I liked.
I went and returned with a pair of flip flops.

We ended up leaving without buying anything.

Today, I went to the library for a meeting. I told my parents that I needed to be picked up at 4:30.
So afterwards, I waited. I waited. And waited. And waited.

For a whole freaking hour!

Well, I didn't go insane or go on a rampage out of frustration so I must be too patient for my own good.
I went so the front desk and asked to use the phone.
But they wouldn't let me. How rude! They told me that the phone was only for library purposes and that they were not allowed to use the phone either.

BAH!
Excuses excuses!

I really doubted that anyone was going to call in that period of twenty seconds.

They told me that the only phone I could use was the payphone outside. I twitched.
They told me there was a change machine on the second floor.
Yeah. About that. I didn't exactly have anymore money with me.
I spent it on some coffee during the meeting.

And of course, they were not going to give me money to make my call.

So I resorted to waiting a while longer. Another half hour. Yep. Too patient for my own good.
I dug through my pockets and found a five dollar bill. It made me feel stupid for not searching earlier.

So I got a load of quarters from the change machine and went to make my call.

I don't know. Either I really did not know how to work a pay phone (have never used one but still) or the phone hated me because I'm pretty sure I got ripped off. It should not cost an entire 75 cents to make a call. Well, it wouldn't give me any of my coins back when I hammered on the coin release.

Very irritating. I hate it when machines steal my money.
But I still use them because I hate it more when people steal my money.
The balance between hate, irritation, and other people's profits.

So this was how the call went:

Mom: Hello?

Me: Hello? Mom?

Mom: Yes?

Me: WHERE ARE YOU?!

Mom: I'm still at home.

Me: WHAT?! STILL AT HOME!

Mom: I was just about to leave. You were supposed to call.

Me: I TOLD YOU YOU HAD TO PICK ME UP AT 4:30 LAH!

Mom: I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Me: Okay.

It was past six when she came. It was all apparently a result of miscommunication.
And annoyance on my part.

Fhmmph. I want compensation.

It was horrible

2008-04-01T18:22:00.000-07:00

Lizzy had a very scary nightmare last night (just because this is easier to tell in third person).

Lizzy was in this white room. It was plain without windows or doors. All that was there was a giant bright light on the ceiling.
Lizzy was wondering why she woke up in such an odd room. Whoever made it had no taste in color. Unfortunately, Lizzy did not realize that this was a a figment of her subconsiousness. How often do you realize you're dreaming?

Lizzy did not like the room at all. And so she prepared herself for a long complain session to whoever placed her in the stupid stupid empty room.

"OH MY -bzzzzz-! What the -bzzzz-!"

When she tried to say two of the words in her outburst, they did not come. She could not say them. As in she did not have the ability to say them.

"What the -bzzzzzzz-!"

When she tried to say the "offending" word once again, her throat closed. It simply closed. Howeer she could go on talking afterwards but the fact that
she was being censored was plain disturbing.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Lizzy was obviously not happy to know that she no longer had control over what she could say."

"What the -bzzzzzzzz-! This is complete -bzzzz-! -Bzzzzzz-!"

It was a very frustrating experience.

"-Bzzzzzzzz-! -Bzzzzzzzzzzzz-! -Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-!"

Lizzy was very furious. She tried telling the creator of the room to stop censoring her but all that came out was

"-Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-!"

Apparently, her speech was completely under the control of her invisible... imaginary... torturer!
Anything could be censored.
So Lizzy gave up trying to talk and kept her thoughts to herself only to find out that her thoughts were censored as well.

"Why am I here? This is -bzzzzzzzz-! Huh? What just -bzzzzzzzzz-... -BZZZZZZZ-!"

And so Lizzy ended up going insane. Unfortunately for her, in this dream, she did not have the ability to punch through walls. She tried. She couldn't escape. She was just stuck. Trapped.

Yeah. She went insane. This only made Lizzy more furious. So she went and bashed her head against the wall.

She went through the wall and began falling. And like how most falling dreams end, Lizzy woke up with a very hard jolt.

Lizzy immediately went stomping through her mind (Why shouldn't she? It's her personal stomping ground) until she found her subconciousness sleeping in one of the corners.

"DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!"

Unfortunately, she could not give it a hard punch because it was still part of her and beating herself up would be an extremely stupid thing to do.

Lizzy was not in a great mood today.

Lizzy decided that she would say as she liked.
That's right.

TO HELL WITH CENSORSHIP!

Unfortunately, her world is still very oppressive. Maybe the dream wasn't entirely that stupid.

Where is my scanner?!

2008-03-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

How it can be so hard to find such a large object...
I don't know.
I also lost my mp3, my ear buds, and my watch battery.
Very pitiful.

I will get around to looking for them... one of these days. Because looking for things takes time, concentration, luck, and searching skills.

...If I were a scanner, I'd be out in the open because I would hate to be shut inside a cupboard or drawer.
Really (un)helpful.

Anyway, I finally got a hold of the book on zombies I wanted. I had it on hold for two months. Stupid library system. I should have been bumped to first on the list. All the other people can sit there and wait. Because future rulers of the moon should have special privileges.

The book is very interesting. Ehehehe.
But it was in the nonfiction section which is a bit disturbing.

I had a really odd dream:

I was at school at night. A lot of other people were there too. I was just walking around and around because I had nothing better to do when a riot broke out. Basically, everyone began beating everyone else up. I have no idea why but I just continued walking around and around.

I'm so boring in my dreams. It's not even funny.

Oh yeah. And I walked by the lockers and someone got thrown into the wall in front of me. It left a nice big dent. And I just kept on walking.
Then, I found a ladder that led down to an underground room which was pretty awesome. I climbed down the ladder and there were people throwing stuff at each other.

I felt very out of place. It was like being somewhere I wasn't supposed to-- like I suddenly fell into a very odd world.
But the people ignored me and I just kept walking around and eating applesauce because I like applesauce and there happened to be applesauce in my dream.
But then my applesauce disappeared which made me not happy. So I stomped on the ground because there wasn't much else I could do (while the riot was still going on).

A giant crack formed and everything disappeared.

And then I woke up. Very anti-climatic.

Today was eventful. I learned that door can be dangerous.
You can slam them in people's faces.

Slamming doors + person on the other side =
Sucks to be you

Actually, I already knew that.
I've actually done that a lot of times before.
(Yes. On accident. Doors have a horrible range and therefore suck as weapons. Especially the revolving ones. Why use them?)

But I thought you'd like to know anyway.

What a pain

2008-03-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

Studying for tests is a pain. It's a complete bore and a waste of time I'd rather spend taking apart stuff and screwing around with it until I break something. It's very depressing.

Which reminds me. One of my watches broke today. Yep. It died. So I took it apart and ended up killed it some more. Great huh? I wonder if you can get paid to destroy stuff. That would be pretty awesome.

I wish I could actually learn something useful in real life. I know that I will not have any use for the history of Rome after I finish school. I would never ever want to become a historian. What a waste. All I want to do is light my packets on fire and watch them go up in flames. Or I could just stick the papers of useless crappy information in the fireplace to burn. BURN.

I shall take revenge for all the mental torture they caused!

*punch* *kick* *stab* *stab* *stab* *kill* *kill* *kill*
Death to history packets! BWA HA HA!

Or I could create a miniature explosive and nuke them. But the radioactivity after the explosion would be a problem.

Or maybe I'll be a good person and just recycle them -- after shredding and cutting them up with a steak knife. Unfortunately, I don't have a paper shredder. That would have ensured the papers a faster and less torturous death.
But then again, papers are things. Why should I care?

But seriously. The school curriculum is filled with pointless crap.
I'm never going to use the history. At all.

After the tests, it will all be a waste. A waste of MY time and a waste of MY efforts.

And I'm not even getting paid to stuff my brains with all this.
What the hell. This is just plan retarded.

Also, isn't it a waste of efforts to teach this crap?

I mean, everyone is just going to forget everything they learn after they take the tests. Poof. Gone.

I highly doubt anyone will find some use for it all anyway.
I highly doubt anyone even cares. We only care the slightest bit because we care about our grades.

And apparently, school revolves around grades. How retarded.

Anyway, I just don't see the point of all this meaningless work. That's right. There was never a point in the first place. My life is wasting away while I'm forced to study things I'll never find of use.

--------

Yesterday, during my I-am-bored-so-I-will-scour-the-web-for-random-websites session, I found this blog rating tool.

You can take a look at it here:
http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/blog_rating

It rated this blog R just because I used "hell" a couple times in my rants.

Ha. I may use "hell" as many times as I want thank you very much.

Apparently, it dose its rating based on the words that show up which actually makes it highly inaccurate.

Honestly, were the people who made this on crack or something? What the hell were they smoking?

Because someone out there is going to take it seriously and start censoring themselves.

Actually, if someone actually did take it seriously, then we can imply that that person takes most things on the web seriously no matter how ridiculously insane or stupid they seem. And from that we can imply that the person is a gullible idiot.

And form that we can imply that the people who made the rater were most likely not on crack.

Yes. I have awesome logic.

And I bet I just upped my "rating."
Haha.

Oh no...

2008-03-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

Had a dull and boring four hour SAT class. Well. It's better than Chinese class but trading two hours for four is just not fair.
Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to the trade. I don't know.

Two hours of boringness, staring at the clock, and actually having to do stuff versus four hours of boringness, staring at the clock, and sitting around.

I took some packets with me so that I might be able to study for my test on Tuesday. I found out that it was impossible to study and half work at the same time so I gave up.

And it was nice and sunny the entire time I was stuck indoors with nothing to keep myself entertained. I didn't even bring a cookie to munch on and take my boredness out of.

But I got to steal some of the candy my brother got from easter egg hunting when I got home. That made me feel slightly better.

Yeah. I should get to studying. Knowing I really have to study while I'm too lazy to get started really saps my mood. no. Not too lazy. Too bored.

Oh well.

Another story

2008-03-13T20:37:00.001-07:00

Generic random story told by Lizzy:

Once upon a time, there was an ice cube. I ate it. The end.

Slightly longer story:

Once upon a time, an incredibly stressful time dominated by homework and test labor, there was a little girl named Lizzy. She was a nice little girl who lurked somewhere in the shadows. Of course shadows appear and disappear a lot and they were rarely noticed.
Shadows didn’t like the sun either. It was too bright and it made them even darker.

Lizzy decided one day to make something of herself. She created a small plot of territory in the world of student labor and called it Bunnyville. As you can see, Lizzy was not exactly creative. But the name stuck and that was what it was called.
In this little town, Lizzy used her influence as the creator and became the overlord —with many faithful little minions.
Her land was isolated from its surroundings --the world of horrors. What happened out there sis not concern her. She was indifferent to such matters. Then again, what happened on her land did not concern the others. They could care less about what she did.

But this was why Lizzy was content. She could live alone with her followers and not be bothered.

Her relations with the outer world were basically give and take –though mostly take. There were rarely problems with these transactions. If something went wrong, she could contact her minions and the issue would be resolved in some manner.
If the people offered her anything she needed, she would accept. If they were kind to her, she would be kind back. If they were less than kind, she would send her minions over to rid the world of a bit of rudeness.
All was fair.

With the exception of the forced student labor.

Soon after her world began thriving, some migrants moved into the area. Lizzy did not mind them. As long as they did not disturb her peaceful little world, she would accept them.
Unfortunately, they did not let her be. How they even managed to find her world out of so many, Lizzy did not know. She never cared to find out. She was unfortunately too lazy to deal with such trivial things.

They knocked at her gates. She ignored them. Didn’t they know they should have gotten an appointment first? She was a very busy ruler after all.
But they would not leave. Being the kind person she was, she did not send her minions out. They will leave eventually, she thought.
But they would not let her be. They poked at the gates. They poked at the walls. Soon here were little ditches all over the boundaries. They had to be repaired.
This of course, made Lizzy slightly perturbed. Repairs come with a cost after all. However, being the nice little girl she was, she did not send out her minions. Yes. She let the annoying pests be –after relocating them.

They came back again. She found them at the border. Very irritating.
Apparently, the people wanted in. They wanted to be part of her isolated world. Lizzy did not answer. She only shut the gates and walked away. She sent out an army of minions to chase them away. How dare they disturb her nap.
This, however, did not deter them. They came back once again. Lizzy took pity on them. They still wanted in even after she sent out some minions of doom after them. So she let them become temporary minions.
If they did not satisfy her, they would be kicked out and squashed. A very pitiful fate.

At first they were nice to her. So she let them be. Unfortunately, there were little jobs she could shove them into. Her minions were very efficient. Not that she was complaining.
Later, they wanted her to help them. They wanted to move out and create their own worlds with her help. They offered alliances.
Lizzy declined. She told them to do the work themselves. She let them in. Wasn’t that enough?

But no. They wanted her to help them. Apparently, her world was very special to them. Lizzy declined again. This time, she shot some sharp pointy things at them too for irritating her with their constant questions.
Her world. Her word. Her authority.
They let her be. She ignored them. They remained quiet with occasional lapses. Sometimes they would come to her again and poke minions. If they did not respond, they would poke her. She simply thwacked them with a frying pan.
All was fair.

One day, the migrants finally got the point. They wanted her help. And Lizzy refused to give it.
And so they turned against her over this very petty thing. War.
Lizzy’s world began collapsing. It was breaking down. Her followers hid. They fled for safety. They could not help. And besides that, they did not want to face the wrath of Lizzy when she was furious.
And Lizzy was furious. How dare they turn against her over something so trivial. She felt very betrayed. She had let them in. And now she drove them out. Out.

She couldn’t do anything else. She left them at the borders.

Lizzy never managed to restore her world back to the way it was. It had died. And so Lizzy ran away. She turned to the outside world.
It was a good idea. Alliances. She went out to recruit.

It was not long until she found the migrants again. She noticed that they had turned to another territory. They were trying to get what they wanted from her. Before it all, all they wanted was her world –it was special. When she declined to give them what they needed to leave and get what they wanted, they only turned to the next place on their list.
Selfish selfish people. How dare they leech off worlds and toss them aside when they were not useful anymore.

Alliances were useful after all. They turned against her. She would turn against them. They broke down her world. She would break down theirs. Revenge revenge revenge.

Lizzy would rise once again.

And so she did. And this time, she shut off the borders to the outside world. She learned that people can turn into spiteful things when they cannot get what they want.

To hell with colds

2008-03-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

*sneeze* *cough* *hack* *cough* *repeat* *repeat*

And that's basically all I've been doing for the past three days.
Definitely not fun at all.

And that all came with
~Dizziness (Wheeeeeeee!)
~Sleep deprivation (a.k.a. Stay away from the bunny.)
~Memory problems ("I give up!
I'm gonna fail anyway because I can't remember anything! I give up!")
~And the sudden urge to bang my head on a wall.

Losing my voice today was pretty depressing.
It came back somewhat during the day though.
Apparently whispering doesn't use your vocal cords
nearly as much.

And on top of it all, I had to run a mile today in PE. Very pitiful.
So during the mile,
I had to stop about twenty times
because my nose kept getting clogged.
Then I ran out of clean tissues...

Did I mention that the tissues at school are very sand papery?

And in the end my mile time was 9:35.
And I felt like I actually did bash my head into something.

---------

I had a pitiful weekend too.

TO HELL WITH SAT CLASSES!

I had an eight hour on on Saturday and a six hour one on Sunday.
And about four hours in bus trips there and back.

So that means I lost a grand total of eighteen hours of my weekend.

Assuming that I slept nine hours both days
(which I didn't because I kept waking up during the night).
I would have twelve hours to myself.

That minus two hours for meals would be ten hours.
Which minus the time in the morning in which I mooch around
and do nothing would leave me four hours to do
everything I needed to get done that weekend.

That was obviously not enough.
So I stayed up a few hours before giving up and going to sleep.

The SAT classes were very boring.
All the people did was test us to see "where we are at."
Test. Test. Test. Test. Test. That's mind assault.

At least we got free food on Saturday. It was pretty good.

But all we did on Sunday was a test.
So after I was let free, I went and got myself an iced latte.

Yay for coffee! Or so I thought.

Let's just say I ordered a nice big cup and
over half of it was filled with ice.

I PAID FOR FREAKING COFFEE!
NOT ICE!
I CAN GET THAT FREE FROM MY OWN FRIDGE!

I decided that day that I would never ever
buy anything iced again.

Yeah. I'll have my coffee nice and hot in the summer if I have to.
(Yep. I ordered a normal latte during the summer
when it was burning. That wasn't such a good idea.)

And when I finished it,
I noticed an ice cream shop right across the street.
*twitch*

But I didn't bring enough money with me that
I could have some ice cream without feeling broke.

Hmmph. To hell with coffee. Next time, I'm getting ice cream.

Yay for ice cream!

Too bad by the time I had to get up for school,
I was already burnt out.
Too bad the day after, I got another cold.

Ka-pish

2008-02-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

Ever spent a lot of time and effort on something that ends up wasted in the end?

Very infuriating lah!

I was told to edit some pictures for title pages for the yearbook.
My photoshop skills are unfortunately pretty limited.

(Even though some people will insist that I am very skilled.
But that's only because they don't have any photoshop skills at all.
I'm sorry but that was what you told me.)

My most awesome skill is butchering pictures and still having them look decent.

See here:

http://weirdishstuffz.blogspot.com/
2007/11/what-i-do-in-my-spare-time.html

Great huh?

So first I had to add text to the pictures.
One of them was my own awesomely created picture. It had graffiti lettering.

I didn't have a font that resembled anything close to graffiti.
Of course there was the easy way
which was to just google free fonts and pick out a graffiti one.
But my Internet was down that day so I had to do the lettering the hard way:

By hand.

Which is a pain since I don't have a tablet and had to do everything with a mouse. Pretty darn tedious.
And afterwards I had to edit it again,
but all I needed to do was a bit of dodging and burning.
Not a big deal.

Total amount of time spent on editing: 2 hours

Definitely one of the times being a slight perfectionist did not help.
At all.

Then I moved on to the next picture. This one went by quickly.
Just added the font and slanted it.
But no, apparently I made the font too big and needed to reverse the text. I accidentally... killed my usb that day.
So the original picture on it was shorted.

And so I had to remove the text and add it again.
Unfortunately, removing text on GIMP is a pain.
Especially when the picture is 5mb.

I managed to remove the text manually with the clone stamp
while zoomed in to 500%.

That means, it was nearly impossible to tell that I edited it but...
it was time consuming.

Amount of time spent: 2+ hours

Maneuvering with a very touchy mouse is hard.

But of course it would have been all worth it because my edit work on
the title pages would be published and
I would eventually become really famous and be able to achieve
my goal in life.
Yea.

Ok. Not exactly. But I spent over four hours with an annoying mouse and
editing program so I should have at least gotten something for my
time and effort.

Besides, they were supposed to be uploaded in the first place.

That was a given. That was why I even bothered in the first place.

But no.

The one I did all my text removal on couldn't be opened.
By then, there was no time left, so another edited on was uploaded
in its place.

Understandable.

I could have dealt with that one... after ranting incomprehensibly
at the server for an hour.
But yes. I would have been fine with it.

Computer errors happen. A lot.
Even when I send back up copies just in case in the first place.

As for my graffiti one... that one was a human error.
See... someone uploaded the wrong picture.
All the pages get saved and sent and nothing else can be done.

Very infuriating.

That person, whoever it is, just made my other two hours of
concentrated effort a complete waste.
And I don't even know who the heck it was.

So I'm out to get my revenge... somehow.
Because it took a lot less time to upload the wrong picture
than for me to do all my text editing. Way less time.

The day I found out I went and got myself a a plastic knife,
which by the way are extremely dull and useless.
The attack would make an odd headline:

"Kid poked repeatedly a couple thousand times with a
really dull projectile.
Object of minor skin and nerve irritation unknown."

Nice huh?

So I'll just say this:

If you were the person who did the uploading, run. Seriously. You should.
You have pissed off the awesome bunny of doom.
If you're stupid enough to stand too close, she shall unleash her
alter ego on you.

----

Oh. And by the way, I absolutely do NOT have a superiority complex.
Seriously.
All my minions were created equal.

Oh come on.

Just because I tell people to move inanimate objects for me,
am slightly bipolar,
and refer to people younger and shorter than me as "little" does not mean I have a superiority complex.

If that's what the term refers to for you,
I have a nice long list of people you may go bother instead.

I feel so unknown

2008-02-24T19:27:00.000-08:00

...

-untitled-

2008-02-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

I swear. The next person who tells me I should be more optimistic

WILL. BE. SHOT.

That's right. I'm gonna go buy a bunch of ak-47s and take them around with me.
It's a brilliant plan. More intimidation points for me.

But of course I'd be too lazy to locate a weapons shop and somehow get transportation there and back without people getting suspicious.

So scratch that.

Throwing a nice thick heavy textbook, however, is an option.
But misaiming and breaking something...
There's no way I'm covering for any property damage. Even if I did cause it.

Well, I could drop the giant textbook of doom accidentally on purpose...
But then, there's no way I'm covering for hospital bills either.

So scratch that too.

Oh yes. And because I wrote all that, some idiot who reads it will think I'm serious and that there's someone in the world who's a complete psychopath trying to shoot someone for telling her to be more optimistic.

Right.

Anyway, about the optimistic thing. I stand by the first thing I said (whatever's in caps).

^_^

The good thing about chatting with people online:
They can't tell when you're being sarcastic.

The bad thing about chatting with people online:
They can't tell when you're being sarcastic.

Well....
They shouldn't have threatened to annoy me to death while I was actually studying for a test.
That was a bad idea to begin with.

Anyway, it's mid-winter break.
One week of allowed increased laziness and sleep time. Yay for me.

Pitiful

2008-02-11T20:43:00.000-08:00

I have no inspiration as to what to blog about. Oh well. Here's a short little post for you anyway.

(Note: Slight exageration.)

I twisted my wrist this weekend so now I can't put weight on it.
See... Now I'm using the mouse and typing left handed. I wonder how I managed to get the my freakishly heavy backpack up and down the stairs.

It must be magic. That's right I'm magical.

No. Actually, I can put weight on it. Just not a lot
(Or else it'll snap and I'll have to go to the hopital again and actually get a cast. I hate casts. They're annoying. Of course I'm kidding.)

No. I'm not using my left hand for everything. My other hand is perfectly capable or moving a mouse

Actually, I didn't twist it either. I have before. It was very pitiful. But it was during a break when I didn't have to take heavy textbook filled loads up and down the stairs.

Nope. It just started randomly hurting and getting sore. It happens.
But since that isn't exactly believable as an excuse, I just said that I somehow twisted it. It's not lying. It's a substitution of events.

Random spasms aren't exactly believable.

(OMG! My brain hurts! I have no idea why but if you give less homework it won't implode and spill everywhere! Unfortunately, they wouldn't believe that.)

The ointment I used made my wrist look bruised.
O_O
Maybe I should wrap it or something.

It better get better. Or else I will use my super awesome skills and heal it.

Actually I don't have super awesome healing skills.

*sniff*

Why must everything always be done the long way?

Fear me

2008-02-02T21:27:00.000-08:00

Today was eventful. My cousin came over to visit and I had to spend the entire day with him. It would have been fine if he didn’t have an inflated ego.

I was reading a giant textbook of boringness when he conveniently distracted me by coming downstairs.

He’s a fourth grader. And today I learned that fourth graders are horrible at telling jokes and pitiful in poke wars.

Yes. He started a poke war with me. He learned why he should run after doing so. Unfortunately for him, he was very stubborn.

So I thwacked him on the head with a rolled up newspaper. I learned that rolled up newspapers made decent weapons. I had the right to defend myself against hyperactive nine year olds. He just lacked dodging skills.

I told him to play some games on my computer instead of attacking me every five seconds. It was pitiful. I told him that and he kicked me.

That earned him another thwack from my awesome newspaper of doom.

We had lunch and he started bragging about his “accomplishments.”

“I’m the brainiac of my class! I’m number one!”

I nodded and continued eating.

“What rank are you in your class?”

I didn’t answer.
First of all, what class? But of course, he wouldn’t know of this.
Second of all, who cares about rank? He does.
Third of all, I wouldn’t care anyway. He apparently does.

“I’m in fourth grade but I’m as smart as the average sixth grader! A sixth grader always asks me for help. It’s sort of annoying.”

I continued eating. Must be another fourth grader in disguise or something.

“The kids in my class make fun of me.”

I said (sarcastically),
“Maybe they wouldn’t if you didn’t brag so much.”

“But I have to. They made fun of me when I talked with scientific terms.”

I didn’t answer. I was going to poke him on the forehead and tell him that most people don’t try to talk in “scientific terms” and that it doesn’t prove that you’re smart but he changed the subject.

“Yesterday, I ran into a wall. I think I got a concussion.”

I took pity on him and decided not to give him a concussion.

I finished reading and went back downstairs. I shoved the giant textbook of boringness onto the floor.

“You should read that textbook. Then maybe you wouldn’t be failing.”

Apparently, little kids are also prone to making random assumptions.

“Who said I was failing?”

“…”

He met the wrath of my awesome flying pencil of doom.

Then, he tried to thwack me with his yo-yo. Revenge revenge revenge.

“Feel the wrath of my yo-yo.”

I held up the newspaper.

“Feel the wrath of my fist.”

I held up two fingers.

“Feel the wrath of my…”

I held up a shoe.

“That’s kind of harsh...”

No. I didn’t attack him with them. I was just very good at being intimidating.

I took him back to the computer and left him there with a game website until he had to leave. I was a very nice person.

^_^

NOOOOOOOOO!!!

2008-01-29T20:32:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I have a cold. *sneezes*

Let's see:

~Sneezing. Check.
~Lack of motivation to finish drinking an IZZE that tastes like medicine. Check.
~Not wanting to fall asleep in class. Check.
~More extreme bipolarness without the transition in between. Check.
~Confusing people with other people. Check.
~Not saying a single thing about bunnies the entire day. Check.
~Ranting about beating people up for being stupid instead. Check.
~Continued ranting when people were obviously not listening anyway. Check.
~Forgetting to switch back from whiny sarcastic tone after ranting. Check.
~Getting a headache from mind confusion. Check.
~More sneezing. Check.
~Realizing that my ebil laugh is a bit off. Check.
~Getting the feeling that people think I'm insane. Check.
~Knowing that I really did lose a chunk of my sanity. Check.
~Forgetting about plans to take over the moon. Check.
~Actually agreeing to eat an avocado. Check.
~Thinking that oranges taste better than apples. Check.

It's official.
I have the cold.

Hopefully the ice cream will cure me.
No. scratch that.

It better cure me...

Or I'll eat it.

[Update 1/30/08:
I ate the ice cream. Isn't that pitiful?]

Dust bunnies

2008-01-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

Once Lizzy went to a friend's house to sleep over because she felt like inviting me.
(Actually, Lizzy wouldn't consider her a friend anymore but that's not the point.)

So Lizzy went home the next day and realized that she had forgotten her toothbrush. So like what most other people would do, she called her friend. Of course, she could have just forget about the toothbrush and gotten a new one from her drawer. A boring normal ordinary brush.

Lizzy liked her electric toothbrush better back then and that was the one she left.

So Lizzy just wanted it back.

The next day, Lizzy went to school. Her friend forgot about bringing the toothbrush. Lizzy told her to bring it the next day or suffer the consequences. Actually, she left that last part out because she was a nice little girl back then.

The next day, Lizzy walked to her room with her friend. Her friend smiled and told her that she remembered to bring the toothbrush.

She opened her backpack and took it out.

Apparently, she didn't put the toothbrush in a plastic bag or anything. She didn't even wrap it in a paper towel. She had placed it directly into her backpack!

Oh yes. And the bristles were covered in dust and fuzzy stuff. Hopefully that wasn't dirt or mold. The dust was bad enough. Lizzy thought this was very disgusting.

As Lizzy inspected the toothbrush, her friend just smiled at her as if she had never had a better day. Lizzy simply sighed. This was pitiful.

Either her friend was happy that she remembered to bring her the toothbrush or she secretly hated her and was happy that she managed to disgustify the toothbrush.

Lizzy reluctantly mumbled a thanks and left it at that. She did bring the toothbrush after all.

When Lizzy got home, she chucked it into the trash.

She would never ever leave anything at her friends house again.

What next?

2008-01-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

Pick from your oh-so-limited actions as to what I should do next with my blog.

A. Post. Duh. (pick something below too.)

1. Another rant.
2. Ooooo. Write another story.
3. Something random about your very typical life.
4. Pictures.
5. Post about ME!!! (You will probably be ignored if you pick this one.)

B. Post? You're kidding me right?
You lazy lazy person.
FINISH YOUR STUPID LAYOUT ALREADY!

C. Leave your blog and let it rot.

D. Delete it. I hate your blog.

E. I'm not picking anything. Make your own decisions for once.

So. I guess you should pick something. Just because...
Actually I don't have a good reason.

Change

2008-01-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

I was rereading my old posts when I realized something:
I used to be so immature.

I used to put "ish" after every other adjectives because I didn't want to be too "extreme."
Poor me. I was censoring myself.

Oh yes! I used to be obsessed with creating bunny minions and ridding the world of idiots.
To be honest, that was pretty pathetic.

The bunny minions aren't such a bad idea. an army of bunny robots. Think of all the possibilities. I could make a nice long list.

I can't believe I used to list all my thoughts. I even listed the results of personality quizzes. Very icky.

I sounded really unstable back then. Exactly how many empty threats did I throw at people?
Never mind. Don't answer that.

Plus, random ramblings about my oh so insignificant day.
There were times when I simply rambled on about rubbish before thinking, this looks crappy but I guess I have to do something with it.

And thus I contributed to blog spam.

I used to refer to a lot of people as idiots. But that's probably because they were.
Yes. WERE.
But then again... I was the one who went around using odd words like "happiful" and "freakishly awesomeish." "Freakishly" actually seems commonly used.

Especially on forums. You know? Those places for discussion in congested parts of the web that make people lose faith in the future of humanity?
If I ever decide to create a forum (never ever), I will happily include a test on grammar and avoiding stupidity to make sure my members really did pass the fourth grade. And I will happily make spell check a requirement to keep certain people who use 1337 from thinking too highly of themselves.

Yes. 1337 is a skill. If you can't understand it, then you must deal with it and learn somehow. However, using it will annoy most people who are not dolts and make them want to beat you up.

And no. I will not teach you (people have asked).

I began tested layout alterations then. They were really subtle like relocating items on the sidebar.

Oh. I can't forget the vagueness of my "rants." A few were decent actually.
Maybe the vagueness had to do with a few insistent monitors wandering around on the web and freaking out over particular posts in this supposed "blog community."

It was really nice how I was nicely included.
/sarcasm

I learned that I should never write poems. I can still do a nice job of modifying and mutilating things until they look scary.

I learned that I would have been a nice comedian. According to some people at least.
And I used to be morbid. Not extremely morbid. Just plain morbid.
Zombies and red colored corn syrup do not count.

I learned that I could write decent short stories... for the most part. Remember that nice story about a kid named Toidi?

And another thing: People thought I was a very annoying little kid!
What did I ever do?

Let's see. All I did was act bipolar, fake insanity, and keep silent when people wanted answers to their stupid questions. And I thwacked a couple people on the head multiple times on the head repeatedly because people told me to and I was a good obedient little zombie. Heh. Actually, at least half of them were for pissing me off.

Maybe they were dense because I made them lose so many brain cells.
Nah.

I guess a bit of editing won't hurt. I'll start once all the finals are over.

There was a time when a few people found one of my posts offensive.
Oooooooo! Slight controversy! Guess I'll put that post stays on the don't-edit-too-much category.

Just because I'm nice like that.

I bet in a year, I'll look back and wonder why I am so immature now.

Actually, scratch that.

I haven't changed much at all.

… You jump off a cliff. I laugh harder

2008-01-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

No matter what happens, no matter what changes, there will always be people who annoy me to no end. Some things just never change.

So here it is. My first post of the new year. A rant:

People with inflated egos are irritating. Not semi-inflated. Inflated.
I guess it’s not entirely their fault for thinking themselves to be better than everyone else.
They teach you that a high self esteem is good for your health. Supposedly.

I say it’s bad for your health. It makes more people want to beat you up for being stuck up. It’s not too bad. Their egos can still be deflated. Somewhat.

It’s the ones who rub it in other people’s faces that I despise.
I mean the people who actually think of themselves as higher up when they’re obviously not. But they’re too stupid to notice that.
Yeah. Go on. Keep on bragging about your nonexistent abilities. Maybe if you tell that to people enough times, they may start believing you. Not.

I was waiting for my ride and this kid just decided to talk to me.
In case you never read sidebars, my name is Lizzy.

Toidi*: Hi Chole!
Me: I’m not Chole.
Toidi: So?
Me: I’m not her.
Toidi: Well, you should act like her! Pretend to be Chole!
Me: Why?
Toidi: Because Chole is awesome!
Me: No.
Toidi: Awww. You’re nofun!
Me: And your point is?
Toidi: You’re lame.
Me: …
Toidi: I’m not. I’m awesome!
Me: …
Toidi: …
Me: I know you. You used to go to my other school.
Toidi: Huh? Oh wait… I know you! You’re… Wait. Who are you?
Me: Not telling.
Toidi: You’re mean!
Me: …
Toidi: You’re a waste of time.
Me: Ha.
Toidi: Wait. Are you in Prism?
Me: Yep.
Toidi: Oh. I guess you’re okay then.
Me: …!!!

*names have been changed.

By the way, ‘Chole’ is a nice person. ‘Toidi’ is some random person I happened to know who has gotten more idiotic since I last saw him who somehow entered Prism which is a program for “smart people.”

Note the quotes. Lots of people in prism have issues.

Let’s see. Since you didn’t recognize me, I can assume that you just felt like talking to some random person and I just happened to be unlucky.
And you called me Chole. Pitiful. First of all, I look nothing like Chole. Second of all, why the hell to you call random people Chole?
People who are not Chole have their own names you know. Or do you have eye problems? If you do, I laugh at you (Why? Because I’m a sadist.).

Even more pitiful, you told me to act like Chole.
Oh. So not you know that I’m obviously not Chole, you tell me to impersonate her.
Why the hell would I want to pretend to be someone I’m not?
It’s not Halloween lah. I have no reason to.
And why the hell would you ask some random person to act like this person you happen to know?
Because, since you don’t remember me anymore, I am technically a random person.
(It’s not nice to forget about me. Because I am awesomer than you will ever be. How dare you forget me! Because you did, I will not tell you who I am so that you may suffer until you give up trying to find out. Too bad that only lasted for a minute.)
Why? Are the people you know superior to the rest of us or something?
Should the rest of us become minions of the people you know and copy their every move?

That is very ridiculous. Besides, I don’t take orders from people like you anyway. People who just demand random things from random people they don’t even know.

If a random stranger told you dance and sing and act insane just because they wanted you to, would you?
(By the way, you’re not getting paid to do all that.)

What reason did I have to act like Chole?
(“Chole is awesomer than you” is not a valid answer.)

I’m a waste of time?
I’ll take that as a compliment. Even though I was a waste of time, you still kept talking to that would be your own fault. Besides, you started talking in the first place. You could have just disappeared at that point and I would have been happier.
What did you mean I was OKAY since I was in Prism?
Oh. Would I have been more insignificant if I was not?
Would you have rubbed in how much “better” you were if I was not?

I see why some people stereotype that we are snobs. It’s because some of us are. This kid being one of them.

If that had taken place one year ago, he would have had a nice big bump on the head because last year, I somehow gained the power to make sledgehammers and frying pans out of thin air. I tried that. It doesn’t seem to work anymore. I bet the air was made at me for sacrificing the rain puddles to the snow clouds instead of it.
Well har. har. har. See if I care.

And there are more people who aren’t much better.
They think they can take “control” of situations and get everyone to listen to them. No comment.
They brag about how work is practically effortless to them. Well, if they’d show me some proof, I’d start believing them somewhat. Too bad they don’t have proof.
They state facts as if they know everything. They forget that everyone else already knows the obvious.
They try to involve themselves in everything. If it doe not concern you, stay out of it or you’ll have a nice meeting with my fist. You don’t have to know everything. It’s because of you people rumors and crap fly around so quickly.
They lie convincingly and people believe them. I almost felt sorry for someone for something and it turned out to be a lie. It’s not nice.
They’re arrogant self-centered jerks. Every time they open their mouths, I resist the temptation to thwack them on the head.
They’re two-faced. I’ve met enough of people like that. No comment.

But they exist in my world, so I am forced to put up with them.
You eventually get used to things and wonder why you complained so much about them in the first place .

(My answer: Because I could. Why not.)

Break

2007-12-28T13:43:00.000-08:00

Doesn’t anyone miss me?

No?

Well fine. While I’m here all alone, at least my alter egos, my clone, my virtual bunny minions, and my computer did.
[insert random insults, empty threats, selected repeated words in caps lock, 1337, and chtspk, things I’m too lazy to type, etc.]

(Note: Sorry. Just had to do that. I just came back from hibernating and stocking up on sleep and I noticed that I forgot to hit “publish” on my last post. So here’s a nice fat edited post with everything.
And about the layout. Haven’t started. I guess I should never take a job that requires deadlines. School already has enough of those. By the way, stocking up on sleep really doesn’t help.)

Yay! Winter break finally came!
No school! No school! Happy happy happy!
(And the obligatory…)
OMGWTFBBQ! FWEE!

Heh. I sound so childish.

I finally got my braces off! Yay me. No more icky metal contraptions glued on my teeth! Well, I got a retainer but they don’t glue those to your mouth so that’s okay.

I brought cookies the day before break. Normal ordinary store bought shortbread cookies.
I was very skilled. I handed them out upside down and some people thought they were homemade. Somehow, I have reasons for the little things I do.

I still had a bunch left over so I gave them to random people. I would have eaten them myself but I got sick of cookies by the end of the day.

Me: *taking out a cookie* Want a cookie?
Person: Um. Is there something wrong with it?
Me: Nope. I’m just handing out cookies.
Person: Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with it?
Me: There’s nothing wrong with it! *eats cookie whole to prove point*
Person: …
Me: *taking out another cookie* So, want a cookie?
Person: No thanks.
Me: WAH! YOU DON’T TRUST ME!?

Yeesh. What did they think I was going to do? Poison the cookies?
If there was something wrong with the cookies, I wouldn’t have known. And if I knew, I wouldn’t have been passing them out. Although I did have the idea of sticking a few needles in a few cookies… But that would be just plain mean. What if I gave it to the wrong person and they ended getting poked?

Kidding. Kidding.

Somehow managed to get rid of all my cookies. I was really sick of cookies by the end of the day. So much refined and artificial sugars.

I bought an apple IZZE. It tasted like medicine and I went on and on about how I was somehow going to get high off it. People were convinced that I was already high.

Actually, I think I did get a sugar high. I tried to throw the can into the trash and I overshot it by about seven feet (oops). That wasn’t suppose to happen but it made a nice loud sound.

And there were times when I mixed all the sodas and juices together because I was bored. It actually didn’t taste that bad. People asked me if I was on crack. Ha. Caffeine is completely legal! Seriously!

(No. I’m not addicted even though I act like it. [OMG COFFEE!])

Basically, everyday, I woke up, ate, procrastinated on everything, and slept and the cycle repeats. It’s boring but it’s better than having to do homework, which by the way I should really work on.
The life of a recovering from sleep deprivation, half-zombie.

[unrelated randomness]

I found out that I lost my awesomely pwn-ful art skills. Parents went on yadda yadda yadda about how I must practice practice practice.
So that proved that I should stick to doodling bunnies, draw comic strips and become rich. And then I will bribe scientists into terraforming the moon (a.k.a. make it earth-like) so that people can move there and I will rule over them all and they will let me because I will bribed them with more money!

Well, it was a better idea than nuking the world, and should be easier than world domination since that includes politics which are evil.

Or I could just buy my own island and get people to build me a mansion.

[/unrelated randomness]

Oh yes. It snowed. Not a lot but it was plenty. Except it didn’t stick so all I ended up with was diluted watery slush on my porch.

I really wanted snow so I sacrificed the slush to the giant cloud, which by the way was lazier than even me, with a hairdryer. Poor puddles. They didn’t get a say in this. Too bad it didn’t work. Psssshhhhh. So much for wishing.

December 23:

Went to a restaurant for dinner. It happened to be below an apartment.
The food was decent but extremely salty. Actually, decent depends on how hungry I happened to me and I was really hungry. But the cake was good.

And then we went up to explore the apartment (didn’t break into any rooms, okay).

And we were rudely stopped by someone who went ranting on about how someone said some “bad language.”

“I heard some bad language. It was like street talk and bad. I want to know who it is! This is not the place for such language! You can’t say that here!”

Of course we had no idea what she was talking about. We told her that it wasn’t any of us. But she insisted that she heard something and that it must be someone from my group. And then she started pointing fingers at some of my cousins.

“I don’t think it was a girl so it must be you or you!”

Rude much? First of all, please, what exactly was the “bad language”? And sheesh. don’t go on ranting on about something that is not a big deal.
So someone said something? Really? Well, I didn’t hear anything so it wouldn’t be anyone I know. Who made you the charge of anything?

And then, she pointed so some other people in the hallway.

“I know them! I know it wasn’t them! They are nice people!”

Still not a reason to go on ranting at us. At this point, I was getting bored.

“You. Most of you are students, right? That kind of language shouldn’t be used in front of children!”

Since we obviously don’t know anything about her “problem” and she wasn’t going to stop ranting mindlessly anytime soon, we decided to leave.

“Don’t walk away from me! It’s rude! I want to know who it was!”

Some people just don’t quit. Rude? Speak to yourself first.

December 25:

Had lunch at a restaurant because we were too lazy to cook. There were a lot of people at the restaurant. Apparently, laziness is contagious. I didn’t know that. But the food was good. Heh. heh.

I got money for presents. $_$

Apparently, I got a counterfeit ten dollar bill. o_O'''
I’m not sure but unless they released tens without watermarks, color-shifting ink, with a layout similar to a one with slightly smear-ish ink, different fonts, and a different back…
I’m sure it’s a fake.

What exactly can I do with it?
(Besides trying to spend it. But then again, I wouldn’t be expected to know that much about money. Oh well.)

Besides that, my day was ordinary.

I wish the break would last longer. And I wish I could actually have some snow that doesn’t immediately turn to slush.

A few more days and it’s back to homework, tests, and sleep deprivation. As if I wasn’t zombie-like enough.

Broken

2007-12-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

I mean material objects.

I wanted to get something from a vending machine yesterday. Of course food from those are really expensive. I would have just passed by but no!

There was a bag of chips that was barely stuck in one of the slots. Well, I thought I would be able to get a free bag of chips. So I was banging on the glass for three minutes even though I realized in the first five seconds that banging on vending machines won't make it give you free food.

So I decided to do the next best thing. Buy the bag of chips and get two for the price of one. The first one was already dislodged anyway. It was a very brilliant plan.

Except it din't work. I bought the chips and... well, the next bag got stuck in the same position as the second one. As you can tell, I wasn't very happy.

I banged on the glass for a couple more seconds (no it didn't get loose). So I left and ate the chips anyway. If the vending machine managed to trick me into wasting a dollar on it, I might as well do something with it. Stupid vending machine.

Another thing. I'm typing this on a keyboard only the keyboard is on my lap because the keyboard shelf sliding thing broke. Nice huh? And this time it wasn't my fault.

Basically it's stuck and I'm too lazy to figure out how to fix it. Mybe during break. That's only two days from now. There are so many uses for screwdrivers.

Eeeeesh.